Strategies to Resist Trump's America
Whew.
We made it through the first two weeks of Trump's America and things really got ugly fast. Leading up to it, the Progressive Side of the Ideological Fence pulled out all the stops in attempts to avoid having The Donald take office. We railed against the Electoral College. We questioned his sanity. We protested in huge numbers. And we openly wept and confessed our great anxiety and did just about everything we could to avoid any responsibility for this tragic set of circumstances.
Yes, whether you voted for this con man or not, this is your fault. Christ, I'm an idiot and I saw this coming almost a year ago. We sat around, fighting amongst ourselves about whatever was the most offensive thing we could fabricate and waited until weeks before the inevitable was becoming...inevitable and THEN we started giving a shit.
Enough of that, though. Whose fault Trump's ascension is is now beside the point.
When we call it "The Resistance" it makes us all feel so Jedi, doesn't it?
We really do have to resist the upcoming debacle that will be the Trump Administration in ways that actually get past our sadness and anger and pragmatically affect change. We have hit rock bottom in American political history and we have to bounce back or the Great Experiment in Self Rule is over.
Here are a few strategies that may be helpful in the coming months.
1. Absolutely continue to take jokes, mistakes and indiscretions and elevate them to monstrous acts of racism and sexism.
ROCKFORD, IN - January 23, 2017
Jim Borjer, a local stand up comedian and staunchly conservative thinker, confessed a complete turnaround on his ideology after being "called out" as a racist by approx. 65 online activists trolled his Facebook feed over the weekend of the Trump inauguration. After spontaneously joking about the activist group Black Lives Matter and caught on an iPhone video that quickly became viral in the small city, Borjer was vocally attacked for his joke.
"It was a real teachable moment for me," claims Borjer. "After telling that joke and spending three days being called a racist piece of shit and having the Laugh Trak (the one local stand up bar in the area) receive numerous calls to have me banned from the stage, I really reflected on my white privilege and have made some major changes in my act. It's not as funny but I understand that there is a time and place for humor and this is neither."
2. Use the terms "Fascism," "Nazi," and "Rapist" in a continuous stream leveled at pretty much anyone who disagrees with you over any issue without understanding of what those terms actually mean.
STOKES, TN - January 25, 2017
"I always thought the office of the president had a system of checks and balances designed to prevent a tyrant from coming into power. At least that's what they taught at Stokes H.S.," said Lisa Travis. "Apparently I was wrong because I've heard that because I chose not to vote, I am a Nazi and a fascist because I voted for Hitler by not voting for Hillary."
Mrs. Travis, 57 years old, recently received the Employee of the Month bonus of a free basket of large curly fries with cheese sauce from the manager of the local Jack in the Box. She is donating her bonus to the Stokes chapter of the ACLU to show her contrite attitude in the wake of being called names.
3. Write "Open Letters to Trump Supporters" on social media.
KALAMAZOO, MI - January 8, 2017
According to algorithms designed to parse out such sensitive data, over 75% of Trump supporters have disavowed their allegiance to the Republican Party and any of the president's policies following the reading of simple "Open Letters to Trump Supporters." Sources claim that the single most effective posts call Trump Supporters "racists, sexists, xenophobic idiots who voted for a monster."
4. Fight aggressively to police the "tone police," the cultural appropriation of hair styles, language and dress, and to guarantee that every white person recognize their privilege at all times.
PEORIA, IL - January 22, 2017
In a surprising move, a group of "woke" white people in a suburb of Peoria got together after repeated attempts to get them to "check their privilege" and have sold their 15 homes. The cash from the sale has been earmarked for reparations for slavery although dispersing funds has been less organized than at first thought.
"We tried to find any sort of government agency to take the money but there aren't any that exist to provide reparations for black people...er...African American people...what do we call them?" commented Cliff Parsons, self described as a 'privileged white cis male with diagnosed Anxiety Disorder and Psoriasis.' "Then we went to the NAACP. They didn't want it. We did, however, find a nice young black man who was happy to take the cash and apply it to reparations for the horrors of slavery."
His wife, Sally, added "I'm so grateful that I was lectured about cultural appropriation when I was at a block party wearing dreadlocks. It really opened my eyes."
5. Insist that men cut their balls completely off and stuff them in a plastic coin purse from Wells Fargo Bank.
JOHNSONVILLE, KS - January 3, 2017
After hearing that the best way to fight the patriarchy was to lecture men who practiced what has become known as "manspreading," Johnsonville resident Wayne Fargus (and one of the seven registered Democrats in the state) had his testicles surgically removed so he could more effectively take up less space on the bus.
"My grandma had this coin purse from back in the day so now I'm fighting the patriarchy and carry my boys in my "I'm With Her" backpack."
The most important thing is to wage war against other Progressives for not buying your strident line completely. The more fractured and at war we are against each other, the more infighting over language and factions of belief within the Left Leaning people in the country, the less effective we will be against Steve Bannon and the Real Racists and Neo-Nazis.
