By David Himmel

• The President George Bush Turnpike being a toll road is hilarious irony, and sort of a fuck you to the people of Texas. 

• Red Bull will kill me long before falling asleep at the wheel has its chance.  

 • Texans are brave in strange ways. They won't pull in to the middle of an intersection at a green light when turning left but they will ride your ass at 80 mph on an interstate. I mean really ride your ass. Close. Like where you can count the number of times they blink from your rear view mirror close. This form of driving is not characteristic of any one type of person, it's anyone with a Texas plate. Cowboys, tweaky rednecks, the state's leading Tupperware saleswoman, pillowy grandmas, that one woman who owns and runs that one Thai restaurant in town...

• Photos taken of the sunset-drenched horizon from the dashboard of the moving car never do the view justice. The attempt is always a waste of film or gigabytes or whatever. 

• If your hotel room neighbor's TV is too loud—shaking the wall too loud—and you call the front desk to politely complain and come to learn the neighbor watching TV is hard of hearing, and then your dog starts barking his goddamn head off you are the asshole. No way around it, pardner. 

• If my wonderful wife spills one more thing in my car, all of my exes will live in Texas, too.