By Joe Janes

The Ottawa County Senior Community Center
September 27, 2017

The Ottawa County Senior Community Center Committee met on the morning of Wednesday, September 27, 2017. In attendance were: Center Director Margaret Niehauser, Glenn Davis. Phyllis Davis, Hal Jergen, Dr. Neil Loughlin, Janet Webster, Mark Krause, Paul Custodio, Greg Wendling, Rebecca Levine, Nat “Nat” Topping, Susan Gutowski, Chip Chinery, Millie Milburn, Milt Milburn, Deanna Baker, and Lori Letterhos. Chris Othic fell sleep ten minutes in, so I don’t know if that counts as in attendance.

Center Director Margaret Neihauser asked Glenn Davis to take over the position of “secretary” since Phyllis Davis’s stroke has left her note taking abilities “shaky, at best”. Mr. Davis protested due to his never having been a “secretary”. Center Director Margaret Neihauser informed Mr. Davis to “just do you”. Mr. Davis is doing this for you, Phyllis, but HE does not like it.

During our traditional meeting opening singing the national anthem aka pella, everyone was appropriately and silently irked that Hal Jergen decided to “take a knee”. It wasn’t until the “rockets red blare” that he toppled over, and many realized he was having a heart attack. Others continued singing as stopping singing the Star-Spangled Banner would have been something a liberal would do. An ambulance was called and some people attempted to administer aid, except for Dr. Loughlin, who thought “kneeling and toppling over” might be part of the protest. To be fair, Mr. Jergen was clenching his fists.

In a vote that was everyone For and one very Opposed, the committee voted to offer free coffee at the center, but not herbal tea, deemed a luxury, because Margaret doesn’t care if Mr. Davis, the opposing vote, dies from hypertension or a heart attack, Jergen-style. It’s not a luxury if it keeps you alive or keeps you from killing someone else in a fit of caffeinated rage. Mr. Davis has chosen to water down any free coffee he sips because there is no way in hell he’s going to bring in his own Sleepy Time Tea and have others mooch off him, Janet.

Lori Letterhos, treasurer, reported that by re-using our flags for Flag Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Labor Day the past three years has saved us $38.42 because we did not have to buy replacement flags. An item that was tabled until the next meeting was to use the same flags for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s. A brief discussion about what to do with our surplus funds followed, but then Lori explained that we don’t have surplus funds, we just didn’t spend that much buying more flags. Had we spent it, our coughers would have been at -$38.42. Makes me wonder where we’re getting all the funds for the free Folger’s coffee that will be flowing like a brown waterfall from that Hamilton coffee urn that dates back to the Nixon administration.

The committee had a rather snippy debate about North Korea and Donald Trump. By a majority of one, it was decided that in a war of insults, “dotard” destroys “rocket man”. No one knew what a “dotard” was, but figured the t-a-r-d part made it pretty bad. We decided it was not unreasonable to believe The United States should concede all power and property to North Korea based on insults alone. We would still kick North Korea’s butt in a real war, just like last time. We all also agreed that everyone should be forced to stand during the national anthem. This is the land of the free, after all! While Hal Jergen’s heart attack was unfortunate, it was also disrespectful.

When Mr. Davis does not know what to do, do not tell him to ‘just do you”. He does not know how to do him. That’s how we got into this situation, Margaret. Just ask Phyllis as soon as she is able to speak clearly.

Memorial services for Hal Jergen will be Friday afternoon at Gerner & Wolf Funeral Home. Burial services will be Saturday at Riverview Cemetery, which is not near a river. At all.

There may have been some other things. Mr. Davis doesn’t know. He doesn’t do this sort of thing. Our next meeting is in one month and Margaret better find herself another “secretary”.