By Elizabeth Harper

"Oh, I have to hurry up and get ready for my date with Mr. Wonderful. I just wish he had given me more notice. That would have been more considerate than this boop-oop-a-doop booty call. I have to take a shower and shave my legs and everything down there and clip my nails and fix my hair and put on my stockings and fix my makeup and change the sheets and clean the bathroom and the kitchen and tidy up and put the condoms on the nightstand. Where's the lube? Oh, there it is, thank goodness. Do I have enough of his favorite booze? Now what is it that he likes? Is it Stoli vodka? No that's Mr. Splendid, and Mr. Dashing likes Jameson's, and Mr. Right-On likes Kaliber non-alcoholic beer, and Mr. Tremendous likes Miller Light, oh, and Mr. Wonderful likes Jack Daniels on the rocks. Phew. I think I'll have enough."

Betty Boop undresses to get into the tub. The various shampoo and shower gel bottles shout out "Hi, Betty!" Each one wants to be the one she'll use. She picks the beer shampoo with a goofy grin and puts him on the edge of the tub within easy reach. She runs the water and eases into the tub. Her very serious-looking razor jumps into her hand and says, "Let's get down to business, Betty!" "Well, alright-y, then!" says Betty.

With a determined look on her face, she looks at her feet and wiggles her toes and suddenly the toenails all turn into faces that smile and then look apprehensive. "Here we go!" says Betty. The toenail faces look away and shut their eyes as she shaves the tops of her feet. When she's done, the toenails heave a communal sigh, "Phew!" Next she starts shaving her left calf and then her right. Little cuts come to life with tear drops of blood coming out and say, "Hey, be careful, Betty!" "Oh ouch! I will be careful," says Betty. Then she does the tops of her thighs. Then she puts her right foot on her left shoulder to get her inner thigh. The shoulder says, "Hi there! How you doing?" to the foot. The toenail faces bat their eyelashes, and the foot says, "Well, I'm alright, but I'm feeling a little up in the air." Then Betty puts her left foot on her right shoulder, and the shoulder says, "Shall we dance?" and the foot says, "Well, alright, but I'm just one left foot." Then she brings her right knee up to her right ear to do the underside of her thigh. The knee sticks out a tongue and puts it in the ear. A smiley face appears on the earlobe and says, "Hmm, that's nice." Then she brings the left leg up to the left ear and the ear kisses the knee. Lips appear on the knee and say, "Fresh!" and then pucker up for another kiss.

"There! The legs are done," says Betty, "Now for the tricky part." She takes a deep breath and blows it out. The razor says, "It's okay, Betty. I will help you." This time Betty puts both ankles behind her head as she shaves and pivots side to side to get all the angles. Then the razor jumps out of her hand and starts dancing all over her nether regions singing, "So Sweet," and the voice and style is Cab Calloway's. After the song, the razor says, "There, all done, Betty!" "Oh thank you! Mr. Wonderful will be so pleased. It's just the way he likes it." The razor jumps up and kisses Betty. They both wink and the scene fades to black to the sound of Cab Calloway scat singing.