By David Himmel

• Somehow I managed to completely miss Hocus Pocus. I was 14 years old when it was released in 1993, which means I was on the older end of its target audience. But I had two younger brothers and often watched things I might not have otherwise watched without them around. I was at least aware of their kid stuff. Like Power Rangers and Pokemon and Rugrats. So, 25 years later, I watched the movie and here’s my question to everyone who fell in love with it back in the beginning: Was Bette Midler always that annoying? Has the Divine Miss M always chewed more scenery than Nathan Lane and Vincent D’Onofrio combined? My god she’s exhausting to watch. It’s like watching the star of the high school drama club acting extra hard for the near-deaf and blind talent scout in the last row of the auditorium. Even the most coked-up Liza Minnelli would tell Bette to anchor her character just a bit. What was I talking about… Oh, Hocus Pocus… yeah… finally watched it. It’s OK.

• Although I have no plans on trick-or-treating this year, I still want to buy a can of Barbasol shaving cream, pin it and have a shaving cream fight like back in my younger days. And hey, Brendan Fleming, I’m coming for you, you fucking prick.

• If I were to go trick-or-treating, I’d rather receive a red delicious apple with razor blades and anthrax in it than Bit-O-Honey.

• On this week’s Literate ApeCast, Hall and I discuss horror films we find actually terrifying. One for me is The Amityville Horror. In the movie (and novel), 3:15 a.m. is when the killings in the home occurred, and the new homeowner, George, wakes up at exactly 3:15 a.m. Well, following the recording of this episode, my son woke up screaming horrifically at exactly 3:15 a.m. Obviously, we burned his crib, all his clothes and toys and are moving.

• One of the windows in our bedroom looks onto the alley behind our apartment building. I often see our neighbor from the building over digging through the recycling, sorting it, apparently. I watch her with great suspicion. It’s all very Rear Window. I keep hoping I’ll discover her hiding human body parts among the beer bottles and cardboard boxes. But since we have to move because of the whole Amityville Horror thing, I’m afraid I’ll never catch her in the act.

• If you must kill yourself, doing it on Halloween is a good idea because the person who finds you might think you just got hold of some really good makeup. They’ll think you’re joking before realizing you’re actually dead and that the bathtub is filled with your actual blood. It’s kind of like sneaking an early April Fool’s joke in there. Well done!