By David Himmel

• My thoughts on the NRA culminate into one central opinion: Charlton Heston wasn’t that great of an actor.

• I use a bidet for the exact same reason I use a pencil: Sometimes I make a mistake.

• Simple joys… Walking to work this morning, I saw a husky lying sound asleep in the sun on a bed of snow in his front yard. A few minutes later, I helped an old, slow, mildly physically disabled woman pushing a shopping cart enter a Mariano’s through the revolving door. “Ma’am, why don’t you use the automatic door? It’ll be a lot easier,” I said. “Because,” she replied, “The revolving door is much more fun.” Point is, find your little joys. Me? Today? Mine are the sleeping snow dog, the old woman looking for a thrill and this poke bowl from Mariano’s I’m going to devour at lunch.

 • Best things I’ve ever put in my mouth:
  - My thumb
- Johnnie Walker Blue Label Scotch sitting next to my grandfather at a bar
- This poke bowl from Mariano’s

• Until The Hallmark Channel begins producing Hanukkah movies, Hanukkah will never be as exciting or important as Christmas, I don’t care how many days it lasts or how miraculous a story it is.

• My wife is a creative design aficionado. I’m a writer. You’d think our kid’s baby book would be the everlovinggoddamnmotherfuckingshit — the greatest baby book there ever was. You’d be wrong. It’s still in its box. Who has time to curate that shit? Bored housewives and househusbands on amphetamines, that’s who.