By David Himmel

• I miss being a virgin. It gave me something to look forward to.

• When your child is a baby, you want them to sleep through the night. When they zonk out for a solid 13 hours, you’re thrilled until you realize that they might be dead.

• If Lady Gaga can sing Baby, It’s Cold Outside with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Tony Bennett, it can’t be that bad. Unless she likes being raped or whatever.

• I’ve been saying it for years. But this guy managed to write it down in a far more constructive and well thought out manner than I’ve been able to. The storytelling scene tends to leave much to be desired for a wanting imagination.

• Company holiday parties are much more fun when you’re a freelancer.

• https://www. is the foreskin of URLs — completely unnecessary.