By David Himmel

For a state of democrats who really hate President Donald Trump and their current GOP governor, Bruce Rauner, they sure did elect a democratic gubernatorial candidate a lot like them both.

On Tuesday, Mar. 20, Illinois residents went to the polls to vote in the state’s midterm primary election. Democrats, the party of the northern section of the state that tends to carry it in national elections, came out in full force. This is on par with what happened a week ago in Texas. It looks like there’s a trend of high democratic voters getting off their asses because they realize what happens when they stay home.

The problem is that Illinois democrats are idiots. They elected J.B. Pritzker. This isn’t breaking news but it’s news worth reminding ourselves of because there’s a new twist to the idiocy.

It’s important to understand, whether you live in Illinois or not, but especially if you live in Illinois, that the horrible condition of this state is due, in large part, to the democratic party. GOP Gov. Bruce Rauner sure stepped in it when he said to news crews during the primary that he wasn’t in control, but that democratic speaker of the Illinois House of Representatives Michael Madigan was. Rauner was wrong to say it because it makes him look like a chump but it is an accurate statement.

Madigan has been at the helm of the Illinois Democratic Machine since taking on the role in 1983. He’s only not been in the role two of those 35 years. The guy has been a state representative since 1971. He’s also been the Chair of the Illinois Democratic Party since 1998. Madigan is a quiet tyrant. He’s not big on showboating, preferring to pull purse strings and manipulate the political shitshow in his favor more from the thin shadows. Chicago Magazine called him “the Velvet Hammer — a.k.a. the Real Governor of Illinois. Every single financial failure and piss poor legislative move that has occurred in Illinois has Madigan’s stamp of approval on it. He is in charge and he is the democratic party.

An unaware person might wonder how the guy keeps getting elected if he’s such a bad hombre? (And I use that phrase wisely because his district is mostly Hispanic.) It’s because Illinois democrats are more comfortable with the devil they know. Illinois democrats are fearful and weak. Illinois democrats, by and large, vote against their best interests and are too simple or lazy to recognize when they’re being bent over the construction horse by the Machine. Illinois democrats are the same as rural republicans throughout the country in this way.

But back to the issue at hand. The Illinois democrats came out to the polls make a statement last Tuesday. Bigly. Gov. Rauner is not all that well liked, especially by the dems, obviously. In Illinois, he has a lower approval rating than President Trump. The general election in November is the democrats’ opportunity to unseat him and put in one of their own. And so the primary race for who that democratic hero would be was a hot one. Which is why democratic turnout was up 300 percent this year from the last midterm election in ’14, and 30 percent from 2010 when there was last a democratic gubernatorial primary.

Three hundred percent. But that big statement they intended to make was more like the groan of a constipated moron trying to push out a foot-long brick shit snake. Illinois democrats elected J.B. Pritzker as their candidate for governor. Pritzker, hotel heir, a billionaire who inherited his money from his parents who isn’t forthcoming with his financial entanglements and has never previously ran for or held elected office. It sounds familiar. It sounds similar to Rauner’s credentials in ’14. It sounds like Donald Trump’s credentials in ’16.

Granted, the choices for the democratic candidate weren’t stellar. The big three were Pritzker, Chris Kennedy and Daniel Biss. Kennedy is the fourth youngest offspring of Bobby Kennedy, and he made no secret about that. Having never run for elected office and being the benefactor of an insanely wealthy and powerful family like Pritzker, all Kennedy appeared to have going for him was that his dad did some really great stuff. Yeah, if a vote for the son meant bringing daddy back from the dead to help govern, I’d be all for it. Sadly, that’s impossible and insane. Biss has been elected to office. He is not a millionaire. And those are the things he ran on, as well as having the most comprehensive plan of action for the state. The biggest problem with Biss is that throughout the campaign, he tended to come off a little too SJW. Biss was progressive in the right way and could communicate better than Kennedy but he embodied the emotional panic that continues to prove detrimental in resolving issues.

Pritzker stomped first runner up Biss by almost 240,000 votes, a lead far greater than the one between Biss and Kennedy.

Biss didn’t lose because he was outspent, which he was — Prtizker dropped more than $63 million of his own money into his campaign, and no, he did not have to ask mommy for it, probably because she’s dead. Biss lost because Illinois democrats prefer to fight fire with fire. Rauner is a multi-billionaire, we raise you a billionaire. Illinois apparently wants a governing neophyte with questionable ethics, JB is our guy. The Illinois dems voted for Pritzker because they know Biss can’t outspend Rauner but Pritzker can. And then Pritzker wins, which means the Illinois democrats win.

The problem, of course, with fighting fire with fire is that it has a tendency to burn the place down. And an Illinois democrat in the Governor’s Mansion means business is good for Speaker Mike Madigan. And that means that the Great State of Illinois will most definitely burn.