By David Himmel, PhD, Professor of Anthropology at Phoenix University

Translated carvings found in a limestone cave in Western Europe. Approx. 30,000 B.C.

Sapien is weak. Melt like snowflake. Neander is good. Tradition. Like great Erectus. Sapien too young and stupid. Look at small forehead. Big brain for what? Cannot smash enemy with brain. Need forehead. Big brow. Hair on chest. Sapien is metrosexual. Sapien chest look like skinhead lesbian. Future not with Sapien. Neander is present and future!

1. Introduction
The evolution of Homo sapiens is occurring at an alarmingly fast rate, faster than any recorded rate of any species evolving. This includes the evolutionary relevance of Rebecca blackess, which existed for a mere two weeks during the spring of 2011. The speed at which the human species is evolving has led to a splinter effect leading to the discovery of four new sub-species of Homo sapiens: Homo dumbassness, Homo exploitus, Homo regressiveleftist, and Homo balanceintelligence. These four sub-species are in a battle of of evolutionary might yet unseen, and it is apparent through careful consideration and historically-based common sense that only one will survive by proving its adaptability and fitness for survival in these modern times.

It is important to recognize that all four sub-species are predominantly of caucasian decent. This study does not consider two other splinter species, Homo blackandproudness and Homo latinmigrantess, because these two sub-species are not evolving at the rapid rate as the caucasian sub-species. Blackandproudness and latinmigrantess have long been fixtures of the larger Homo sapiens species. Their evolutionary track has been steady. Although,  blackandproudness has been stunted along the way by caucasian sapiens, most specifically, dumbness and exploitus, and yet this sub-species remains vigilant in achieving an ever growing equal foothold in the culture. Lantinmigrantess has also been on the receiving end of hindrance from dumbness and exploitus, it has thrived by bringing life back to communities left dead by dumbness  and exploitus. As a result, latinmigrantess is seen as an invasive species.

This study focuses on the single predominantly caucasian sub-species that will emerge ahead of the others.

2. Homo dumbassness
Homo dumbassness is found predominantly in the rural areas of the United States. Dumbassness prefers rural areas because densely populated cities offer a vast array of people who look different than them, and sound different than them and dine at non-chain restaurants. Dumbassness holds a strong attachment to where they grew up and the values of 1950s and ’60s television shows, which effectively tricked them into thinking they were true accounts of a collective life in America. Gullibility is a dominant trait in Homo dumbassness. During the 1980s and early 2000s, this sub-species was wholly convinced that Ronald Reagan wasn’t a nefarious yet bumbling fool and that the George W. Bush Administration wasn’t being led by warmongers, liars and smug lunatics who were born into unreasonable privilege. They are unable to generate sound reasons to support their claims because their claims most often tend to be false, and they make up for that by using decades’ old trivial foibles committed by the opposing sub-species while chucking childish insults at any mouthpiece who disagrees with their own. Homo dumbassness does not display degeneration in hearing, though it does show an inability to listen — a trait shared by other sub-species in competition for relevance in modern America.

Homo dumbassness is, in many ways, a victim. It began showing itself in the latter half of the 20th century when cracks began to appear in American Imperialism. Despite what dumbassness thinks, this was not caused by the changing color and shape of the American People due to intermarriage between races, religions and creeds. Nor was it the fault of immigrants or weather patterns — often referred to by dumbassness as “snowflakes.” America’s claim to magnificence and its efforts to be the world’s greatest empire of all fell flat as America ceased manufacturing ingenuity in tangible exports, thus eliminating jobs and the middle class. Rural towns went belly up as small businesses were devoured by big box stores fueled by grandiose capitalism coupled with the ability to offer Roll Back Prices. The world around dumbassness was changing and moving forward, into a larger, more fluid community that extended far beyond the fictional town portrayed in Hallmark Channel movies and Archie Andrews’ Riverdale. It’s not that these romanticized versions of Small Town, U.S.A. weren’t welcome in modern America, it’s that Small Town, U.S.A. was too afraid to join in. In this way, one can understand the argument that Homo dumbassness is a victim. But all other reasonable thought and factual findings reveal dumbassness to be its own worst enemy.

3. Homo exploitus
Dumbassness succumbed to cults of personality (Reagan, for example) and emotional bullying by those most loyal to Reagan and his racism, homophobia and misguided nationalism. In its simplistic loyalty, it elected the most extreme of its own to positions of power. This electoral process exacerbated the second splinter from Homo sapiens to create Homo exploitous.

Exploitus quickly learned to play to dumbassness’ fondness for familiarity and exploited its fear by painting anyone not from Small Town, U.S.A. to be an interloper and a threat to the country, the workforce and the individual family unit. Exploitus did this so successfully that it managed to get dumbassness to vote against its own interests election cycle after election cycle after election cycle. Like a hack Las Vegas magician such as Dirk Arthur, exploitus used sleight of hand and fancy stage lighting to distract and confuse dumbassness so that the multiple issues important at the ballot box were reduced to one. Abortion/gun control/immigrants. The Homo exploitus managed to convince dumbassness that they should vote one issue without considering the intricacies of that issue — the gray area that exists in all issues — and the reality that any single hot button issue isn’t really the issue that will propel or derail a Great America at all. Successfully capitalizing on the easily accessible fear available through the weak-mindedness of dumbassness allowed exploitus to become more powerful and wealthier while dumbassness watched its opportunity and access to its ideal success dwindle.  

Because of the ability for Homo exploitus to weaken and devour its own source of power and ability — the voting dumbassness — and continue to expand its influence, Homo exploitus has revealed itself to be an apex predator. Of the two other sub-species studied, only one poses even the slightest potential threat to Homo exploitus.  

4. Homo regressiveleftist
Homo regessiveleftist is not that threat. If Homo dumbassness were a coin, Homo regressiveleftist would be the other side of that coin. Regressiveleftist can easily be identified by the “I’m With Her” campaign sticker stuck to their car bumper, their intense and unrequited fetish with former vice president Joe Biden, and their ability to find offense in nearly every physical description or identifier available. Regressiveleftist, just like dumbassness, has an inability to listen to any point of view that is not explicitly in line with its own. Additionally, it exists in a state of fear and panic, and reacts like a cornered and wounded animal who knows its moments are numbered.

While their process of reasoning, or lack thereof, is nearly identical, regressiveleftist is nothing like its closest cousin, dumbassness in every other way. It thrives in urban areas, often scoffs at sub-divisions and has the local NPR station programmed as #1 on its car radio preset. It uses an iPhone more often than a Samsung or other Google device, and brags almost constantly about the vast number of podcasts it subscribes to — most being produced by NPR. Homo regressiveleftist embraces ironic humor and has no interest in who goes to the bathroom where. It is pro-marriage, pro-choice, pro-helicopter parenting, and pro-black lives matter, though many members of the Homo regressiveleftist sub-species cannot name a single black person they can legitimately call a friend.

Much of these traits appear, on the surface, to be good things. And in the interest of the survival of the United States of America, they are. But regressiveleftist, like dumbassness has a way of eclipsing its best intentions by relying on its simple emotional reactions: the inability to let go of the past (Barack Obama’s presidency), an apparently biological refusal to consider an opposing point of view, and a superior smugness coupled with an extreme sense of pride in itself and all it thinks it knows that far exceeds any level of such smug behavior in recorded history including that of President Harry Truman, which, arguably initiated this state of American evolution.

5. Homo balanceintelligence
The sub-species that poses a real threat to Homo exploitus as the apex species, and will help usher in the extinction of dumbassness, regressiveleftist, and exploitus all together is Homo balanceintelligence. It’s a good thing, too, because by 2016, exploitous was in prime position to completely destroy America while counting the residual checks from foreign nations and overseas manufacturing contracts as the mighty ship sunk under the rising waters of the Pacific and Atlantic oceans.

Homo balanceintelligence is recognizable by its ability to sort through the white noise, smoke and mirrors put up by exploitus, dumbassness and regressiveleftist. This species has managed to utilize the homo sapiens’ ability to reason and feel emotion, and champion them either on their own or together without losing sight of the ultimate goal, which is survival.

Balanceintelligence is mocked by dumbassness and exploitous for its interest in preventing Planet Earth from melting faster than nature would have it, for championing rational discussion and effective action to help reduce or prevent public mass shootings, and for following the advice of America’s first president, George Washington to not become entangled in foreign affairs while still setting an example of leadership and providing assistance when humane efforts are required, as well as his warning to avoid the blind commitment and importance of political parties. This last point is something all three other sub-species are unable to comprehend due to a less evolved brain.

Homo balanceintelligence is unafraid, unlike dumbassness, exploitous, and even regressiveleftist. This species has evolved past the fear that has too long gripped America by the design of its leaders and the hapless support of its voters. While many of the balanceintelligence species are already voting age, the real threat and reason dumbassness and exploitous are endangered and likely soon to be extinct is because balanceintelligence is early in its voting years or nearly approaching them with many, many election cycles ahead. And they have no specific territory. Homo balanceintelligence can be found in urban, rural and suburban areas throughout the United States. It is the most mobile — physically and digitally — than any other of the sub-species. This alone, may well be the key to its ultimate and absolute survival and relevance.

6. Conclusion
It is more than obvious to any human being of sound mind, or a dog with a sense of smell, or an earth worm with an anus, that an extinction of at least one sub-species of Homo sapiens is upon us. Unless Homo dumbassness can immediately learn to adapt and accept an America that really, is the same as it ever was — immigrants coming to small towns and opening up businesses — and move beyond its irrational fears of gays, darkies and queers, and get a better understanding of what socialism actually means, its species will be extinct before the 2030 U.S. Census.

Homo regressiveleftist stands a small chance of surviving because it has shown some ability to camouflage itself as Homo balanceintelligence. However, its camouflage is proving more and more ineffective against balanceintelligence's rate of growth.

All members of dumbassness and regressiveleftist have the option to avoid extinction by adapting to balanceintelligence. Their fate is not sealed but time is tight.

What is absolutely clear and most jarring, is that Homo exploitus must be eliminated in order for all of Homo sapiens to continue not only its dominance on this planet, but its existence at all. It may take all three sub-species to form an alliance in order to beat down this blood-thirsty apex predator. It is important to note that the guns held in such high regard by Homo dumbassness will not prove useful at all in this battle of survival. This is strictly a fight of reason.