By Don Hall

...that, if you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day long, you're the asshole. That is to say (if it wasn’t clear enough for you) if you find yourself attacked once, you’ve been attacked. If you find yourself attacked all day long, a bit of self-reflection might be in order as you are likely the problem.

...that calling the police should be reserved for genuine emergencies. Anyone who calls the police because they are uneasy or uncomfortable or slightly suspicious should be fined. It's a trigger that should be, like all fucking triggers, only pulled when all other options are exhausted.

…that sometimes you get the bear, sometimes the bear gets you... and kicks you mightily in the balls and esteem-rapes your soul and you're like, "Whoa, bear! I thought we had a nice back and forth thing going," and the bear's like, "Go fuck yourself, dude."

…that articles and posts about J.K. Rowling or Jordon Peele "owning" or "destroying" Trump with a tweet are just another in a line of empty attempts to bring the eighth grade modus operandi to what should be adult peroration. The slow but certain infantilization of everything from our speech to our views on race and sex will make us look like fucking morons to future scribes.

…that any piece of theater than can be accurately described as "children's theater for adults" needs to be destroyed like a pile of baby clothes with sports logos and catchy phrases from pop culture. Light it on fire and pretend it never existed. Then again, I hate farce for the most part, too.