by Joe Janes

PCHS American Heroes Club

High School Library

May 8, 2018   2:30pm

Attendance: Dante, Ric, Joyce, Gurtz, Tepp

Dante: The eighth meeting of the PCHS American Heroes Club is now is session. We get together once a month to talk about over favorite American Heroes. Who wants to start?

Tepp: I do. I’ve been researching this hero all month. John Wayne. He’s done so many things, it was hard to narrow down. This is, however, I think, his most bravest thing ever accomplished. In 1942, John Wayne parachuted out of a B-52 Bomber over enemy territory while atop his horse. He landed on Normandy beach and killed 33 Nazis, 28 Japs, 14 Injuns, and 8 smelly Frenchmen. He mowed them all down armed with nothing but his bared teeth swinging a steel nut sack.

Dante: We just went over that in history class. Genuinely inspiring.

Ric: John Wayne’s okay, I guess. Mine’s more recent and my grandpa met this hero. In 1982, John Rambo snuck back into Vietnam in the dead of night machine gunning down 100s of enemy soldiers and freeing 1,000 American POWs that included John McCain and Dolly Parton. On his way leading them out of the country, he saved a small Vietnamese baby from drowning in a pool of communism. He tied the infant to his head with his red bandana and carried it to safety and sweet, sweet freedom. That baby grew up to be Ronald Reagan.

Dante: Was your grandfather one of the POWs?

Ric: No. By met, I mean, he was also in the army. 

Gurtz: Your heroes are all old or dead. Mine is old and alive and still in action. In 2017, President Donald J. Trump ended the Taliban in the first thirty days of his administration with a plan that, to this day, only he knows about. He also killed Osama Bin Laden by tweeting insults at him. The body was found bleeding out, riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. 

Dante: Donald Trump is truly the most heroic president we’ve had since George Washington crossed the Potomac, struck an iceberg, and floated to safety on his own wooden teeth. 

Joyce: I have a hero that you’re not going to find in any history books. I found a video of him on YouTube.

Dante: Cute kid, but I don’t think he qualifies as a hero if he doesn’t kill people in order to save other people.

Ric: Are those dogs refugees from Mexico?

Tepp: We need to build a fence they can’t dig under. 

Gurtz: If they don’t have a collar, send them back. Before they make anchor puppies!

Dante: I think Joyce needs to review the by-laws that clearly define what makes an American hero.