LITERATE APE

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Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of July 22, 2018

By David Himmel

• The best thing that could happen to Illinois and Chicago politics is if Gibson’s burned to the ground.

• The body wash I use in my showers has “Enviro-Friendly Microbeads.” What? I don’t care about the environment right now. I care if this soap is going to clean off the dookie that’s made its way halfway up my tailbone.

• Staffing agencies that focus on placing creative types are either A) unaware of what freelancers should earn, or B) know what freelancers should earn but don’t care. $38/hour for 40-hours/week on-site for three weeks in Northfield? And I know damn well that the agency is charging that client somewhere close to 90 bucks an hour for my work. Staffing agencies care less about you than strippers and insurance companies.

• Wanted: More lactose intolerant people to move into my neighborhood so that my Walgreens will begin selling Lactaid milk again.

• I would love to boycott Disney and all its products because I have a long-standing issue with greedy corporate hypocrisy. But Disney has done such a good job of owning just about everything we consume and think, to do so would mean going full Ted Kaczynski.

• Once 18, my son can do whatever he wants, but until then, I’m not going to let him go sightseeing on a duck boat or play tackle football. And not because they’re dangerous but because there are so many better ways to spend your time. Get aboard a real boat instead of something with a nearly flat hull and wheels. And play a real sport, like cross-country or tetherball.