By David Himmel

• I’ve never met a black woman named Emily or Katie.

• If you don’t apologize for acting like an asshole, you weren’t acting in the first place.

• When waking up, getting out of bed and facing the day feels like the World’s Most Daunting Task, push through it. Grab your headphones. Crank the volume on your stereo, your iPod, your phone — whatever you listen to music — and rock some Big Daddy Kane. The early stuff. Look past the misogynistic and homophobic lyrics, ignore them completely and just let the flow take you through. It’s like riding a mental lazy river. Thing is, it’ll help you be anything but lazy.

• Don’t ever submit to panic.

• I can gussy up a Jack’s frozen pizza to gourmet aesthetic and taste but I can’t make a decent pot of coffee to save my life.

• I always knew the kind of father I wanted to be: one who fully prepares his child for all of life — the gentle and harsh realities. I’m happy to report that I am already that father. For example, my son is teething, and yesterday, he was really making a scene about it. Crying, squirming and pushing the bottle away while I tried to feed him. Just really upset over his discomfort. “You think this is bad?” I said to him. “Mommy watched an episode of CNN’s The 2000s without me. Chill out, kid. It only gets worse.”