By Joe Janes

The Very Very White House 

The Oval Office     11:30am  

Attendance: Donald Trump, Mick Mulvaney, Kellyanne Conway

Donald – So, I guess the democrats and the fake liberal media don’t like it when I use the word “lynching.” To be honest, I just got tired of using “witch hunt” and wanted to shake things up a bit. I don’t see what the problem is with “lynching.”

Mick – People should just get over it.

Donald – “It” meaning “lynching?”

Mick – Whatever you want to put there, Mr. President. 

Kellyanne – A lynching is you hang somebody. What’s the big deal? Them trying to impeach you—

Donald – Over made up charges.

Kellyanne – Over made up charges is a virtual lynching. 

Mick – Or attempt. You haven’t been lynched yet, Sir. In some ways, “witch hunt” is more appropriate. Democrats are rabidly searching for something that doesn’t exist. Witches don’t exist.

(Kellyanne cackles wildly.)

Kellyanne – Excuse me. I think you should keep using “lynching.” It upsets the liberal snowflakes and keeps people talking about things that are not the Kurds or Syria or Russia. 

Donald – You’re right. I should double down on “lynching.” They have no right to try to correct the president of the free world. That’s treason. They want to look for treasonable offenses, that’s one. And I’m offended. 

Mick – You might want to lay off it for the rest of the week, though, Sir. You’re giving the keynote address at a black university on Friday.

Donald – I am? I thought it was a presidential justice forum. I’m president and no one knows justice better than I do. What do black people have to do with justice?

Mick – They’re hosting the forum. Benedict College.

Kellyanne – Benedict? As in Benedict Arnold? The world’s biggest traitor?

Donald – All the more reason for me to be there and show them what a real American is like. Someone not afraid to use insensitive words. Besides, who says “lynching” is a black thing? Are you telling me white people aren’t allowed to be lynched just like we’re not allowed to say the word “n-gg-r”? That’s racist!

Kellyanne – White people have a right to be lynched.

Mick – Sir, there is a word that would appeal to many of your base. Your Christian base. 

Donald – Like always, Donald Trump is way ahead of you, Mick. I’m about to hit post on a new tweet right now. 

Kellyanne – Let me get my iPhone. 

Donald – And posted!

TWEET: All true Americans (Republicans) must remember what they are witnessing here - a crucification. Jesus was lynched, but with nails. (The Dems are the Jews)But we will WIN!