By Joe Janes

The Democratic National Headquarters

The Underground Bunker

in Donald Trump’s Imagination

Wednesday, November 27, 2019      8:30am

Attendance: George Soros, Barack Husein Obama, Hillary Clinton,

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Adam Schiff, Joe Biden,

Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders

George – We know why we are all here. Destroy all holidays.

ALL – Destroy all holidays! 

Barack – We need to cancel Thanksgiving! Trump is already out ahead of us by announcing our intentions at his record-breaking attendance rallies. He’s always ahead of us. Ever since he beat me in the 2016 election.

Hillary – He beat me, too. Trump is too smart for us. His brain is too big. Everything about him is too big. 

AOC – The fact that people get together with their family and friends and celebrate what they are thankful for sickens me. I don’t even care about the massive carbon footprints it causes every year. I just don’t like it when people are happy. Unless they are happy because they are drunk from the drinks I made them because I am just a bartender.

Adam – We need to pass congressional legislation that renames the holiday. If there’s one thing do-nothing democrats know how to do is to ruin everything good in the USA. And witch hunts. We’re really good at witch hunts. 

Joe – Thanksgiving is too red, white, and blue and not enough black, brown, and yellow. We can start spreading the rumor that it’s really for and about black people. That would really stick it to Trump and his followers. We can call it Kwanzgiving, which is what I already call Kwanzaa because that’s what I thought it was called. 

George – Kwanzgiving. Has a nice ring to it. 

Elizabeth – They really hate that we want free healthcare and debt-free students. I say we call it Thanksgetting. People can be grateful for all the free things the government is giving them while the country goes bankrupt and the stock market crashes. 

Bernie – Why stop there? Don’t forget all the taxes we’ll have to raise. Let’s call it Taxtaking Day and charge people a huge turkey tax! You want to eat turkey? It will cost you $100. $1,000 if you are poor. 

George – All great ideas, but I think they’re too specific. We need something that speaks, I mean shouts, to everyone. Something that can encompass all those ideas. 

Barack – Maybe something that reminds them what socialism really is, FreeMoneyLongLinesRiotsgiving.

George – Maybe too on the nose, there, Barack. 

Hillary – TheAmericaYouLoveMustBeDestroyedgiving. 

George – I love it!

Joe – Oooh! Someone should lock you up. You’re a criminal genius. 

Hillary – I learned a lot from my husband who was better friends with Epstein than Trump who hardly knew him.