LITERATE APE

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Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of December 1, 2019

By David Himmel

• If we want to save the coal industry, Amazon should sell lumps of coal this holiday season. With how rare the stuff is, a lump of coal in our stockings should no longer be considered a negative thing.

• The little kids in my son’s daycare class are so sweet. They greet each other in the morning with hugs. I’ve seen them console each other when some are crying out for their mommy or daddy. It’s adorable and heartwarming. And I wonder which one will go on to be a crooked politician or greedy CEO or murderous public school student. I can only hope and pray it ain’t mine.

• Sen. Kamala Harris dropping out of the Democratic Presidential Primary Race is proof that you can’t rely on your gender or skin color to get you a job. Well, unless you’re a white male, of course. #DudetteGottaGo

• While killing time as the flu was trying to kill me last weekend, I came across an episode of Family Matters. That was a fun show. Now I’d give anything to get the theme song out of my head. I’ll even trade it for the flu again.

• I bet the first time people heard the story of Jesus Christ dying then rising from the dead and going up to heaven they were like, “Holy fucking shit! WHAT!?” Kinda like the last episode of season 4 of Breaking Bad when Gus Fring blows up then walks out of the room with half his face gone before dropping dead.

• If you didn’t like the latest Peloton ad, don’t buy a Peloton. That’s how advertising works. Ads are meant to liked so people will buy the thing they’re selling. If you don’t like it, don’t buy it. But also, find something else to do with your time than rage out about how dumb it is.