By David Himmel

• When you get a spam call, answer it. Then press the following numbers on your phone: 9-5-7-5-9-9-9  — 9-9-9 —  9-9-9 —  9-5-7-5-9-9-9 —  9-8-8-9-8-7. It’s the first verse to “Mary Had A Little Lamb.” Try it. It’s fun.

• Too often, I’m not sure if I should be witty or weird. As a result, I come off as uncomfortable. Even unruly. 

• Two things I’ll never do:
1. See the Notre Dame Cathedral pre-fire
2. Have sex with a virgin

• The further we get from 2016 and as history begins to take its shape, the more I think that 2016 Hillary Clinton was a terrible thing for our country. Not 9/11 or slavery terrible, but prohibition terrible.

• A perverted surveyor would do well setting up shop across the street from a yoga studio.

• It turns out that an HMO health insurance plan is as useful as my nipples.