Prologue

I’m Donald Trump and I am big.

 

Chapter 1

My hair is big.

My home is big.

My ratings are big.

My hands are small.

 

But otherwise, I am big.

 

 

Chapter 2

 

I have big plans.

I made a list.

It keeps out bad people.

It keeps out good people, too.

 

Too bad!

 

 

Chapter 3

 

I will make a wall.

It will be a big wall.

It will keep bad guys out.

It will keep jobs in.

 

Someone else will pay.

 

 

Chapter 4

 

I will tax Mexico!

I will tax China!

I will tax Canada!

I will tax Europe!

 

No, you cannot see my returns.

 

 

 

Chapter 5

 

Here are more plans:

I will bring back coal!

I will bring back cheap jobs!

I will make the USA a war machine!

 

But health care is too hard.

 

 

 

Chapter 6

 

Facts! Facts! Facts!

Stop looking for facts.

I will give you the facts you need.

They will be my facts.

 

I will make them myself.

 

 

Chapter 7

Facts are overrated.

Many things are overrated:

Meryl Streep

Obamas

Megyn Kelly

Jon Stewart

Jerry Steinfeld

George Will

Karl Rove

Marco Rubio

and Charles Krauthammer

are overrated.

Hamilton is overrated, too.

 

So sad.

 

 

 

Chapter 8

 

Many, many things are sad.

The UN is sad.

CNN is sad and fake.

The NYT is sad and fake and failing.

 

And overrated.

 

 

 

Chapter 9

 

Twitter is not sad.

It makes me glad.

I like to tweet when I am mad. 

Tweets are not big.

 

But they can make big waves.

 

 

Chapter 10

 

I make waves with men like Vlad.

He helped me win.

Now I help him. This is not bad.

This called the art of the deal.

 

It is not called collusion.

 

 

Chapter 11

 

Tap! Tap! Tap! Obama had my wires tapped.

He is bad. Or sick. Tap! Tap! Tap!

Please unplug the microwave.

Tap! Tap! Tap!

 

I think it can hear us.

 

 

Chapter 12

Four more years!

Or eight!

Sixteen!

I want to serve in the White House—

 

not in jail.