By David Himmel

• I’ve found that most people prefer dogs to even the cutest of humans. When I’m out with the kid and the dog, nine out of ten people will smile at the dog and not the kid. And my kid is pretty good looking and well-behaved. Worthy of a stranger’s smiling acknowledgement. And of course, no one ever smiles at me, which proves that we hate married white men in their forties.

• I’m not worried about the environment. Considering the trajectory of America’s healthcare system, we’ll all be dead way before we overheat and suck all the goodness from the earth.

• I feel sorry for anyone working on a ThinkPad. I feel that if you’re working on a ThinkPad, you have to hate your job. More to the point, your job hates you.

• Sometimes I scroll through Facebook just so I know what to not give a shit about.

• If I am to die shrouded in suspected criminal activity, promise me you’ll refer to me by my three names and only by my three names. “David Isaac Himmel, the alleged political assassin and box wine bootlegger, spent time as a teenager in the Ozark Mountains hunting squirrel and shooting old Pepsi cans with a .30-30 muzzleloader. He was also really good at driving stick shift in San Francisco.”

• There comes a point after forty-three hours of being awake when your brain and body reach a fork in the road. This is where they’ll decide to stick together and ride it out or choose different paths with each heading toward their own kind of disagreeable mania. Either way, it’s kinda fun.