By Joe Janes

 

 The White House

The Oval Office   10:00am

Attendance: Donald J. Trump, Kellyanne Conway, Mick Mulvaney

Trump – I cut my executive time short so we could get a jump on this. How are we going to honor 9/11? It’s too bad I had to cancel my Taliban meeting. Announcing a peace accord with our sworn enemy on the anniversary of when they attacked New York City would have secured me a Nobel Peace Prize. So, what are we going to do?  I want people to always remember how Donald Trump always remembered 9/11 bigger than any other president in the history of presidents. 

Mick – Well, we have a memorial ceremony at Ground Zero—

Trump – That reminds me. Kellyanne, get me a Coke Zero.

Mick – I thought you drank Diet Coke?

Trump – I’m trying to be healthier. Melanie wants to make sure I live to see my third term.

Kellyanne – I turned your bottom right hand drawer into a cooler. All your soda needs are right there.

Trump – That’s brilliant. No more accidentally pressing the wrong red button. Coke Zero! I’m a genius!

Kellyanne – Yes, you are, Sir.

Trump – Give them a call. They can sponsor our ceremony. Coke Zero at Ground Zero. Sell it to them for $100 million. Have them make the check out to The Trump Foundation.

Mick – That doesn’t exist anymore.

Trump – Then just have them make out the check to me. Same difference. So, Coke Zero at Ground Zero. I love the sound of that. Maybe add a “Donald J. Trump presents…” What else do we have?

Kellyanne – We thought you and the first lady should lay down a wreath there. Maybe say a prayer. Silently. 

Trump – Melanie can do that. Or Pence, if he’s around. I don’t like to get my hands dirty. Make sure they work Coke Zero into the silent prayer. Hey, let’s have some fighter planes fly over. Really show our military strength. “Donald J. Trump remembers 9/11 and he’s not going to let it happen again”. Melanie and I can roll up in a tank, too.

Mick – I will make note of your ideas, Mr. President. It might be a little late—

Trump – Put up all the military personnel involved in Trump Tower. They’ll appreciate that. It’s a nice place. Good taco salads. Who wouldn’t want to stay there? We can stay there, too. Me, Melanie, and, and, and — not the one with my name, not the other one—

Kellyanne – Baron?

Trump – Yes! Baron! We can all stay there together. Get some pictures of us being a family. We should have a parade, too.

Mick – For the First Responders?

Trump – Sure. Whoever gets there first, gets a good seat. That’s only fair.

Mick – The First Responders were the people who showed up at The World Trade Center first to try to save as many people as they could. Many of them died. We could honor them and the survivors.

Trump – Oh. Sure, sure. You know, I was there, too. Along with them. They can be in the parade, too. I could be at the beginning, give the people what they want, and then I can get a helicopter and fly to the back of the parade and be at the end, too. People will be so thrilled to see me in a parade twice!

Kellyanne – This will be a 9/11 people will never forget!

Trump – And if we can get this all done by 1pm, I’ll have time to hit the links at my golf course in Jersey. 

Mick – Some people might take offense at you golfing on 9/11, Sir. You know how the press is.

Trump – 9/11 is like a holiday. I was surprised to find out I had to work today. If the president can’t golf on a day commemorating a national tragedy, then when should he? 

Kellyanne – We could have a First Responder join you. Then it’s like you are doing something nice for someone else.

Trump – Sounds good. They can carry my clubs. They take up too much room in the golf cart. Now I can take my Coke Zero with me. 

Mick – We need a quick sound bite we can tell the press and then not let them ask any questions. Something like, “Donald Trump always remembers 9/11.”

Kellyanne – “Donald Trump always remembers Always Remembers.”

Trump – “Donald Trump presents 9/11!” Done. Let’s roll!