By Joe Janes 

 Reasons Not To Go To

Your Small-Town High School Reunion

-       You are appalled by and ashamed of the number of typos in the “invitashun”.

-       Everyone’s brain stopped growing while their waist bands continued without them.

-       You only like three of there.

-       Too many of them never moved away.

-       You listen to current music.

-       Not everyone will wear a mask. Mainly because the pandemic should be over by next summer. If everyone wears a mask anyway, reconsider.

-       You have a conflict on that date. A moral conflict.

-       Your football team still has an offensive name and mascot.

-       The school bullies are now cops. Can’t drive through the town without PTSD.

-       You were told MAGA hats and guns were encouraged.

-       Or you were informed not to wear a MAGA hat or side arm. Show up in your Donald Trump American flag onesie and several AR-15s strapped to your back, but only stay until you get kicked out. Have your phone ready.

-       You died ten years ago and are now a ghost doomed to haunt the crappy studio apartment you died in.