By David Himmel

• The only people who care about Hanukkah are bored Jews and gentiles trying to be nice.

• I don’t recommend you run out and have kids but having them does make every holiday better.

• Family finances is the root of all boredom. Unless someone was killed over those finances.

• I greatly miss feeling the stages of drunkenness determined by trips to the bathroom while drinking at a bar. That’s less about COVID-19 keeping me at home and more about having a wife and kid, which keeps me from exploring those familiar, adored dark places.

• The worst part about this pandemic thingie is foggy (sun)glasses while wearing a mask.

• The occasional hangover should be treated as a badge of honor.