By David Himmel

• The bat that started the COVID-19 pandemic is the love child of Hilary Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein’s ghost.

• The USPS has been struggling to deliver mail for years now to create the illusion of ineptitude in order to sow doubt in its abilities. This was not so the USPS could help the Democratic Party steal the election from Donald Trump, but so the Democratic Party could finally steal Christmas by preventing cards and gifts from arriving on time.

• Kobe Bryant, Chadwick Boseman, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg aren’t really dead. They are living in a motel off U.S. 95 in Northern Nevada having marathon orgies.

• Derrick Chauvin was a Biden Campaign operative tasked with murdering George Floyd as way to spark this summer’s protests in order to make Donald Trump look bad. Furthermore, George Floyd was a former lover of Hillary Clinton’s and is the one who gave her the flu in 2016. 

• Kamala Harris is only a Black woman so Biden could get the white liberal woman vote.

• Rudy Giuliani’s actual brain has been stolen and is being used by the Obamas to power their Hyde Park home in Chicago. It is also a food source for Chicago’s socialist mayor.