By David Himmel

• Valentine’s Day is the perfect day for making trivial disagreements with your significant other feel gargantuan.

• Valentine’s Day is a lot like getting asked to tell a joke on demand. There’s a lot of pressure to perform perfectly and usually you come up short.

• Wearing a full-length fur coat on a bitterly cold Valentine’s Day is the best way to show yourself that you care.

• This morning, our dog Molly, woke me up by sweetly vomiting on my shoulder. Then she licked my face. It’s hard not to consider that a Valentine’s Day gift.

• If you feel alone on Valentine’s day, go see a movie. A romantic comedy. Most of them are stupid and it’ll give you hope that someone will one day love you enough to run through the rain for you.

• Valentine’s Day without conversation hearts is like Christmas without the Jews.