By Don Hall

…that if your subservience to a specific cult of personality or ideology dictates that you do anything except everything you can to vote out Trump, you’re less invested in justice and more a fan. Why not just write in Beyoncé?

…that you should charge your phone at home.

…that the presidential race will look like two old men fighting over a parking spot for their matching Mercedes. The undercard should be Nancy Pelosi and Judge Judy wrestling in the grocery store over the last jar of pickles.

…that logos on t-shirts are the fashion statements of the arrested development crowd. Like tattoos but without any commitment whatsoever.

…that unless you’re an old man with heart problems, it looks like coronavirus may be a great low-effort weight loss plan. (I mean, death is the ultimate weight loss technique, but then you can’t enjoy that bikini bod.) I believe I’ll be licking surfaces all day today.

Seriously, though. As in most things driven by the media these days, the virus is either The End of the World (hysteria) or No Big Deal (denial). The truth is somewhere in between. The real crisis is that the United States only has about one million total hospital beds and it’s likely that approximately 10 million people will need them in the coming months. Now THAT’S a crisis.