By David Himmel

• If the cream rises to the top, it’s no surprise I’m lactose intolerant.

• The religious and passively observant religious welcome spring by celebrating two of the Bible’s most violent and frightening stories. Among the abandoning and killing of children, general death and destruction, and zombies ascending to heaven, I do hope you can stop to enjoy the smell of tulips in bloom.

• I’m the best I’ve ever looked on your Zoom video screen.

• Moses was the original woke AF leader. And, unsurprisingly, he was a total dick about it.

• The “I’ve been practicing social distancing for years!” jokes have replaced the 2020 vision jokes this year. Who saw that one coming? BOOM! Comedy.

• Having a beard can prohibit a mask from doing its job, and yet so many of us are taking this time to grow beards. This pandemic is clearly evolution flexing its muscles.