Lessons on Self-Isolation as Learned from Binge Watching “Big Brother” and “Love Island” with Just a Bit of Shame for Doing So
There are a lot of potentially embarrassing things you’re doing right now, all isolated in your homes, hiding from the Virus. The bizarre and awful food combinations you’re creating out of random ounces of mustard and the last three tater tots. The fact that you’re likely drunk by 10:15 a.m. on a weekday. When, by the way, was the last time you shaved? Soon enough and your bush is going to look like Juliette Binoche’s in High Life.
While you languish in self exile playing board games and participating in Zoom cocktail parties, I did something truly shameful as a research project: I binge-watched Big Brother: Season 21 and Love Island: Fiji.
Both are reality television shows based on people being sequestered together and both are CBS shows. I downloaded the CBS Streaming App for a free month so I could soak in the first season of Star Trek: Picard (it was quite good but the finale felt a bit like a cheat) and I still have it.
In no particular order, here are some things I learned about Pandemic Stay-at-Home circumstances from approximately thirty hours of some of the dumbest TV available.
Apparently visible abs can be sustained with non-stop snacking.
A full 75% of your time can be spent putting on make up and trimming nose hair.
Alliances created for forward progress are easily broken via pettiness and gossip.
When sequestered, everyone can see what a selfish dick you are.
Yogurt. Not toilet paper. Yogurt.
DO. NOT. DATE. WESTON.
While not strictly representing all of Gen Z, these people are mostly idiots. Which leads me to believe that Gen Z is no different from any other generation.
95% of the drama you go through is of your own design.
If you lie while in sequester, you will be caught eventually.
No one ever takes a shit, picks their nose, or snores. This is not at all like reality.
There it is. I hope these tips help you as the pandemic cascades across the planet.
I feel exactly 32 percent less intelligent after this experiment, so I now must go read some Barzun and watch something on PBS.
