By Joe Janes 

Shelly’s Georgia Peach Hair Salon and Spa

Atlanta, Georgia

Wednesday, April 22, 2020                11:00am

Attendance: Shelly, Mona, Trudy, Mike, and Ted

Shelly - Thanks for coming in for a meeting, y’all. I am so happy to have you all back here in the shop 

Mona – Where’s Bridgette?

Shelly: Oh, she went to one of those liberation protests. She’s in the hospital, now. As soon as they take her off the ventilator, we’ll put her back on the schedule. 

Trudy – I’m so glad we’re getting things back to normal.

Shelly – True that. Sort of. We do have to do some social distancing stuff.

Mike – I ain’t no liberal democrat. You want us to wear masks, too?

Shelly – That’s voluntary. We just need to make sure we’re doing stuff in a safe manner because if people get sick again, the government will close us down again. We don’t want that.

Mona – How am I supposed to do someone’s hair standing six feet away from them?

Shelly – Well, the president, God bless his soul, has given us some guidelines we can follow. So, if a customer wants a shampoo, what we do is hand them a bottle of shampoo using this claw grabber thing my Aunt Ginger uses when she doesn’t want to get out of her chair. The customer takes it and puts the shampoo on their heads. As you can see, we have attached longer hoses to the sinks. You can hose them down from a safe distance. 

Trudy – I never liked touching their heads anyways. What about the cutting the hair part? I can’t do that from six feet away. 

Shelly – Well, let me tell you, they thought of everything. Check out this comb and shears. 

Mike – That’s a rake and a sharp knife on the end of a stick.

Shelly – Give it a try. You’ll get used to it. Look at my hair. My husband tried these out on me this morning. 

Mona – I like the red tint.

Shelly – That’s my blood. 

(The front door opens, and Ted comes in.)

Ted - Hey, Shelly, are you guys open?

Shelly - I’m sorry, Ted, we do not open until Friday. 

Ted - What? That’s a violation of my constitutional rights. 

Shelly - Well, the governor wanted to make sure we had a few days to prepare. We still need to practice social distancing. Dead customers make for poor return business. 

Ted - Sounds like something a socialist would say. How do you do a social distancing massage?

Shelly - We beat you with six-foot long pool noodles.

Ted -  Does it still come with a happy ending?

Shelly: Yes. For an extra $50, we stop beating you.