The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Our COVID-19 Response
TMOOLM Headquarters has been sanitized for your protection.
At The Minutes of Our Last Meeting Headquarters, safety is our top priority.
Our highest priority at TMOOLM remains the safety of our employees, our communities, and our customers. We are committed to performing our critical role, delivering safe and reliable satire to our customers, while ensuring that we are keeping public health and safety at the top of our minds.
How will COVID-19 impact my comedy service?
We have robust plans to ensure continued satirical service for our customers and do not foresee any issues meeting our customers’ needs. TMOOLM has activated an enterprise-wide incident response team and is vigilantly monitoring your Facebook and Twitter feeds for updates related to the virus.
How will COVID-19 impact other TMOOLM services?
At this time, TMOOLM will continue to respond to customers’ requests including providing services without accessing customer homes and businesses in many cases. Where accessing a building is necessary, our field employees will take appropriate safety actions, such as wearing masks and/or gloves to perform their jobs. Masks are not a reliable replacement for breath mints.
What other safety tips and updates can you provide during this time?
- After considerable backlash in the press, TMOOLM decided to return the $20 million small business loan our offshoot crocheted mask start-up received. Way to crush a dream, America.
- At some point, you need to stop referring to them as naps. It’s more like second (and third) sleep shift.
- Injecting yourself with disinfectant will not cure coronavirus. It will, however, prevent windmill cancer.
- Do one thing every day that scares you, like go check the mail.
- Drinking at home is cheaper than drinking in bars.
- Coffee is also cheaper, but the rewards program is less exciting—napping, petting cats, and binge-watching Ozark.
- Changing underwear = shower
- Learn to braid ear and nose hair.
- Variety is helpful. Instead of lying in bed looking at your phone try sitting at the kitchen table and looking at your laptop.
- Is the store out of toilet paper, but has plenty of Kleenex? Pooping is just the way your butt sneezes.
- You think giving yourself a haircut is a bad idea? I now have one-and-a-half pierced nipples.
We also offer complimentary hugs.