By David Himmel

• I still totally have a crush on Carly Rae Jepsen.

• Thinking that electing a black person to the U.S. presidency improved race relations in this country is equal to thinking that race relations were improved when Run DMC and Aerosmith teamed up.

• Don Hall left Facebook. Let’s talk about him.

• Note to self: David, please try to not let it go until 2 a.m. before you realize that the only thing you’ve eaten was an English muffin with butter and Vegemite at 8 a.m. the day before. Eat something.

• City rats are persistent little fuckers. Trump supporters are as persistent like city rats, too. They keep eating his shit and no matter how often he sets traps to kill them or fills in their burrows, they come back for more. Trump supporters and city rats are a lot alike. The big difference is that city rats are far more intelligent.

• Your father turning seventy years old is a surefire way to remind you that you’re getting older, too. And that you’re a self-centered prick who makes even his dad’s birthday about himself. Fuck you, David.