By Joe Janes

A Message from Dr. Joe Janes, MD.

I’m Dr. Joe Janes, MD. MD stands for Mediocre Duck. (quack)

Many of you have seen or have heard about a video made by medical experts called America’s Frontline Doctors. I’m a member. How do you become a medical expert for America’s Frontline Doctors? I’m glad I asked. First, declare yourself a medical expert. Like I did on my Twitter page.

Now, do you become a frontline doctor by spending long hours in PPE at a busy hospital? Demon sperm, no. You become a frontline doctor by always getting the express pass at Six Flags. Always. You’re a doctor. You should never have to stand in line. I also never stand in line at Starbucks. I walk in and go immediately to the mobile orders and take whatever looks good. Sure, my name is Cheryl. That’s Dr. Cheryl to you. 

America’s Frontline Doctors’ freedom of speech was quickly trodden upon by the likes of Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube. They claim the video was filled with misinformation. I’m here to tell you that Miss Information isn’t just the name of another beauty pageant contestant. Just because she can’t twirl a baton or speak articulately about helping the “homeless”, doesn’t mean she doesn’t have other redeeming qualities that can’t be discovered while lurking in her dressing room. 

Let’s look at the issues brought up by America’s Frontline Doctors.

HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE CURES COVID-19

Nay-sayers claim that there hasn’t been enough testing. Our president hates tests and often has other people do them for him and he’s the president. Trust your gut with his gut. 

WE DON’T HAVE TO WEAR MASKS

We don’t have to, but many of you should. You’d all get laid more if you covered your faces.

ALIEN DNA IS BEING USED IN MEDICAL TREATMENT

This is true, but at this point it’s only in breath mints and gummi bear vitamins. The aliens are willing to share their knowledge and genes in exchange for butt stuff. They love the butt stuff. 

THE GOVERNMENT IS RUN BY REPTILIANS

Absolutely true. Look at these side-by-side comparisons. You don’t have to be a scientist to come to the right conclusion here. 

DEMONS HAVE SEX WITH US IN OUR DREAMS

That is correct. They spill their lawn sprinkler-like demon semon inside your dreamworld for you or an illegal dreamworld immigrant maid to cleanup. You can also get pregnant with a demon dream baby, but the good news is that healthcare is more affordable in a dreamworld. Only demons have demon sperm. I do not have demon sperm. My sperm can only be described as impish. If you dream of having sex with me, everything will be fine. I’ll even deliver our baby. I miss delivering babies…to Hilary Clinton and the democrat underground sex baby cartel. 

THERE IS A CURE FOR COVID-19

Wear a mask, Keep Your Distance From Others, Wash Your Hands

What there is no cure for is stupid.