By Joe Janes

Batman’s Nabs His First Crook

An Alley in Gotham

Tuesday, September 15 10:30pm

Attendance: Batman, Crook

(A crook is packing stolen DVD players into the trunk of his car. Batman swoops down from a fire escape and grabs the crook by his collar and gets in his face.)

Crook – Who are you!?!

Batman – I’m Batman.

Crook – Okay. I can see that. Now that you’ve said it. 

Batman – I am the night.

Crook – Oh. So, should I call you Sir Batman?

Batman – What? No! I am the night.

Crook – Right. The knight. Knights, you know, have usually been knighted. Like at Medieval Times. You should ride a horse.

Batman – Bats don’t ride horses. I have a car.

Crook – So, you’re a batman—

Batman – The Batman. Or just Batman.

Crook – And you’re a knight.

Batman – I am the night. Night like, not the day. 

Crook – Oh. You are the night. Like PM. After dusk.

Batman – That’s right. 

Crook – Good for you. 

Batman – Do you not understand what that means?

Crook – It sounds cool.

Batman – I am the night. I am the darkness. I’m nocturnal.

Crook – Like a bat. 

Batman – That’s right.

Crook – So, if one is nocturnal, they are also the night. 

Batman – Just me. I am the night. I come out at night to find criminals like you. 

Crook – With your echolocation. 

Batman – I don’t have echolocation.

Crook – But, you’re Batman. Half bat, half man. Like Spider-man.

Batman – I’m not a bat. I just dress like one. 

Crook – Are you going to arrest me or something?

Batman – I’m not a cop. I’m Batman.

Crook – And the night. 

Batman – I just tie you up until the police arrive.

Crook  - Okay. Could we get to that part, please?

Batman – Do you think I should drop the night thing?

Crook – It was a little confusing. But I also thought you were a bat.