By Don Hall

Here we go, gang! 

Trump has set the stage almost as if he were a media genius. Openly dispute the election before we’ve even had it. Nominate a Super Right Christian Conservative Anti-Abortionist to the Supreme Court and completely ignore the McConnell Standard for not voting on Garland. Stirring up the base(less) idiots with white nationalist rhetoric. Spending tax payer money (but not a single dime of his own cuz that fucker doesn’t pay taxes) to hire Dennis Quaid to shill for his COVID response.

Are you ready for the coming Civil War?

Come with me and see the Ghost of Civil War Future, my friends:

• Trump declares victory or claims the election is a fraud. As the Commander-in-Chief, he is able to declare martial law in all fifty states.

• The armed forces, recently familiar with coming into major cities with non-lethal and lethal weapons, show up in the streets of cities all across the country.

• The Proud Boys and mobs of Pottery Barn Torch wielding patriots show up to help.

• There are protests. Lots of arrests. Lots of injuries and deaths. No body cameras. Journalists meet accidents.

• Days later, Trump addresses the nation declaring that he handled the whole situation “better than anyone.”

• There are still pockets of protest but still martial law. People meekly go back to work.

• Months later the SCOTUS strikes down the Affordable Care Act, Social Security, Roe v. Wade, Gay Marriage, and every lawsuit against the second Trump term.

Are you ready?

Probably not. For all the squawk about being Antifa and scaring diners into fealty, for all the Proud Boy bullshit, aside from some looted department stores and some serious bruising from rubber bullets and tuna cans (yeah... a couple of deaths as well but not civil war numbers by any means), we aren’t prepared to actually put our lives on the line. Even the soldiers of the actual Civil War only fought because they were poor and were paid to fight and no one’s paying you jackshit.

Not to worry, though. None of those things aside from Trump pissing and moaning about election fraud are happening.

How can I be certain? I can’t. Certainty is the cul de sac for idiots and zealots (a pairing that seems redundant). 

My assertion is bolstered by the fact that, while definitely afflicted by a ridiculous blind spot, most conservatives fundamentally dislike Trump. They’ve seen how overwhelmingly incompetent the man has been thus far and will pivot some. Sure, there are the minimal percentage of MAGA-ites who embrace him like Scientologists cleave to Tom Cruise or self-loathing whites glom onto Robin DiAngelo, but those folks are in the small but vocal minority whom we need to generally ignore.

On top of that, while the SCOTUS will be a 6–3 conservative majority, I’m heartened that Chief Justice John Roberts has been doing his level best to ensure the court is nonpartisan and wholly focused on the law. Brett and Amy might be grotesque in real life but I’m confident they aren’t the intellectual midgets in Trump’s cabinet of horrors.

Finally, we in the Center Left are going to vote like fucking never before. The only acceptable outcome in this thing coming up in just over a month is a full-on Blue Blow-Out. If you’re being cautious and decide to mail in that vote, do it as early as your state allows. I’m going in person on the earliest day available and will sit in the Nevada heat for as long as it takes to cast my Biden/Harris vote. I say Center Left because the Far Left is all talk, no action when it comes to voting.

Yeah, Gen Xers. It’s up to us. Put on your Cameron Frye pants, borrow your dad’s stupid convertible, and take the day off to show you will not buy into Trump’s mass distraction tactics. Be like Lloyd Dobler, stand in line with a boom box over your head and refuse to give up the chase. John McClain that shit and vote even though a Trump supporter shot out the glass and your feet are torn to shit.

We are the righteous and the fools. We are those who dream of better and, like Ripley, cannot be fucked with because we can operate a giant robot forklift. We are the Ghostbusters, the Three Amigos, and The Expendables (minus Chuck Norris).