by Don Hall

I arrived in Las Vegas, my new home, a fully vetted Utopian. I lived in the progressive bubble of Chicago (remarkably an urban blue area sequestered in a fully red state) for thirty years. I dated for four years a woman committed thoroughly to Marxist dogma (despite her love for $500 leather boots and expensive restaurants). Her godfather (and loosely defined friendly acquaintance of mine) is none other than the former Weather Underground's Bill Ayers.

Just prior to moving west, I had a few run-ins with the increasingly strident Utopian class. Regardless of my intentions, I became casualty to the burgeoning power of the online mob in the most minor of ways. I wasn't as purely defined by the increased rigidity of thought required for membership.

Granted, I was still so filled with fury over the embarrassment of a Donald Trump presidency, I brought a version of that inflexible unreasoning along with me.

On the casino floor during the four-month lockdown, the only staff present were the managers, the security officers, and the engineers. Our General Manager figured that we should take the down time of the place as an opportunity to 'clean things up.' As one of the managers, I had the keys, so I interacted with the staff all day long.

Rodrigo was an engineer. Young, bulked up with workouts and steroids, and a true Trump supporter. We worked well together as long as we avoided the topic of politics.

"So how long do you think we have to live with this Chinese virus?"

It was a simple enough question but his parroting of Trump's insistence to racialize COVID set me off and fast. I completely lost it. I told him it was racist language, that he was a worthless human being, that I no longer wanted anything to do with him. 

I immediately felt bad. I could see the hurt in his eyes. I had to walk it off and wrestled with the very necessary impulse to apologize versus the idea that apologizing would weaken my anti-Trump position. Eventually, the next day, I did apologize but the damage had been done. He and I never joked anymore and he kept his distance from me.

This incident made me dive into my behavior. It caused me to reflect upon the tactic of barking at him when calmly discussing our opinions may have been far more fruitful. I treated him as an enemy when he was anything but hostile to me. I remembered something I used to tell the student teachers who would come through my classes for college credit: when you lose your temper, you lose everything else as well.

Thus began a journey for myself to soften my rhetoric, chill out on the histrionics, and attempt to be more rational. Not an easy task given thirty years in the Utopian bubble but a step forward.

I had no idea how many friends I would lose from repositioning my reactions to political rhetoric.

PK was a Chicago friend. A real friend. We had done a few shows together, he was one of the funniest guys I knew. When he performed a one-man show at Second City, I was there opening night. When he needed a gig for the summer, I hired him to usher at Millennium Park and overlooked his health issues that prevented him from walking around in the Chicago summer heat (a principal requirement for the job).

He and I didn't see eye-to-eye on everything political but we were both dyed-in-the-wool Lefties so the arguments were generally good-spirited debates rather than throw-downs of competing orthodoxy. Then the HBO documentary series about Woody Allen came out.

He in Chicago; I in Vegas. Connected by, of course, Faceborg. He started a thread demonizing Allen. I responded by stating I didn't think he was guilty (and, in fact, was taken to court and exonerated).

Things got ugly incredibly fast. It went from disagreement to personal insult in three exchanges. He accused me of becoming the very thing he despised. I was worthless. I was a victim-shamer. I had allowed the skirmishes with the Radical Utopians before I left to shape my entire worldview.

I, of course, argued back for a bit. Then I realized that this was accomplishing nothing. I don't know Woody Allen. He has never invited me into his personal business. My only connection with the man are his films and that's how it should be. This was unacceptable in PK's view and he denounced me publicly for a few days until I finally cut him off.

I was no victim here. That's not the narrative I'm selling. I was an eager participant and threw a few unnecessary right hooks his way publicly as well. Unfortunately, my refusal to acquiesce to his demand of fealty to a perspective I thought (and think) was more complicated than a skewed hit piece on HBO presented was too much for our prior friendship to carry. We were no longer friends.

Over Woody Allen.

I lost another Chicago buddy over my insistence that Louis CK was a comic genius. Instead of an argument, he just erased me.

I have since removed myself from most social media. You wanna talk to me, you gotta talk to me.

when you lose your temper, you lose everything else as well

This past weekend, another friend who has renounced me on her social media (at least, so she says) was incensed by my latest "I Believe..." column. Specifically, she was infuriated that I wrote "...that Rittenhouse shot and killed white Antifa dudes who were chasing him down. Making a case for white supremacy here is a bit sticky, doncha think?"

She emailed me.

"You understand that if Rittenhouse had been black, he'd be dead right now? How irresponsible of you. Goddamn, Don."

I replied. 

"What evidence do you have that supports that if he'd been black he'd be dead? I'm all about that juicy evidence, you know. Please send me some links that support the statement and I'll be happy to reframe my perspective."

"Evidence? That black people never get acquitted for a self-defense charge? Are you kidding me? What has Nevada done to you?"

I sent her an email with a few links.

St. Paul man who shot at MPD in self-defense acquitted of all charges by jury

Black man acquitted of killing white man after race dispute

Erie woman, 67, acquitted in fatal stabbing of daughter's boyfriend; self-defense prevails

Nightclub slaying: Security guard ‘not guilty’ on all charges

Andrew Coffee IV found not guilty on all counts of murder, attempted first degree murder

"As far as I can see there are at least 27 pages on Google of these cases, all within that past three years. I'm certainly not arguing that Rittenhouse was a hero. The prosecution fucked it. I am suggesting that your assertion is false—black people all over the country kill people in self defense and are acquitted in court."

Her response? 

"Fuck you, Don. I hope you fucking get COVID and die. You used to be someone to talk to for some kind of wisdom but you're as bad as any other white supremist."

Mind you, she and I have been close friends for years. She's a journalist. A journalist who has chosen ideology over factual information. 

I guess I shouldn't be surprised by that, though.

"An evolution from the stodgy paper of record into a juicy collection of great narratives"? Are they joking? The New York Times, the most important and influential paper of record in the country, is now evolving into a collection of stories? Abandon the realz, go for the feelz.

My former friend seems to be on track with that.

Finally, an email from a long since distanced friend from college. Apparently, while he and I haven't communicated in decades, he keeps up with Literate Ape and decided to let me know his feelings about my latest book.

"Dear Don,

I want you to know that I've been following your writing for some time and I'm noticing a trend that concerns me. I purchased your latest book (More Spock, Less Kirk) and you have four essays about white privilege in there that make you seem like a complete racist.

You were always a bit of an asshole but never a racist. I can't believe that you have gone so far down the bend as to have become a GOP white nationalist but the proof, as they say, is in the pudding."

My response:

"Yo!

Long time, dude. It's interesting to hear that based on my stance on the concept of white privilege (that it is more religious than pragmatic and that there is no solid evidence to prove that it exists at all beyond that amorphous 'lived experience' series of anecdotal support) you see the GOP in my writing.

To date, I believe in equality of opportunity for all Americans, universal healthcare, accessible and excellent education for all citizens, equal treatment under the law with no regard to wealth or race, effective and just reparations for the crimes of the past (specifically addressing the ugly discrimination done against American blacks), due process and accountability for those in authority positions, and accessible and excellent financial safety nets for our least able.

What part of that smacks of GOP white nationalist?"

I received no answer. I'm unsurprised.

A 2021 national survey by pollster John Zogby found a plurality of Americans (46%) believed a future civil war was likely, 43% felt it was unlikely, and 11% were not sure. War seemed more likely for younger people (53%) than older ones (31%), and for those residing in the South (49%) and Central/Great Lakes region (48%) relative to those in the East (39%).

Even when taken with a grain of salt (given that 15% of Americans agree with the QAnon allegation that “the government, media, and financial worlds in the U.S. are controlled by a group of Satan-worshipping pedophiles who run a global child sex trafficking operation" and 2% of Americans believe the planet is flat) 46% is still significant.

On the other hand, "About three in four Americans (74%) agree that America has always been a force for good in the world, including 19% who completely agree with this idea and a majority (55%) who mostly agree. One in four (24%) disagree, including 17% who mostly disagree and 7% who completely disagree. In 2013, slightly more Americans (79%) believed their country has always been a force for good in the world." — SOURCE

The optimist in me takes heart at that 74%. I'm certain to lose a few more friends—the ones most concerned with my shift away from the Utopian viewpoint but with a more cemented relationship with me basically avoid my views on politics and I respect that. The friends I will lose will be of that 7% and I don't mourn that loss any more than I grieve the fact that I have no friends who are white supremicists or rapists.

My very utopian niece and I have agreed, for instance, to never discuss race. I'm completely fine with this as she is my blood and I'll love her even if I think she's wrong about certain things. I hope she feels the same way. We'll certainly see this upcoming Christmas holiday.

I have a friend in Vegas who believes that the booster vaccines are soy-boosters designed to strip us of our masculinity. I still got my booster shot, feel plenty masculine, and he and are still friends. Another friend is a hardcore fiscal conservative who worships at the altar of Milton Friedman. He knows I think he's full of shit but we don't hold it against each other.

I wrote some years ago, prior to leaving Lake Michigan for Lake Mead, a piece entitled *The Company You Keep Defines Who You Are*:

I'm thinking that, rather than "You are the average..." the more accurate statement is "You are the person whom the five people you spend the most time with train you to be." The idea that people train us to be a certain way sounds odd until you think about the tendency to let domestic abusers reign unchallenged or disapproving parents cause such misery. Our friends and loved ones teach us who we are by how they reward or punish us in small and large ways.

If the experiment is "You are the person whom the five people you spend the most time with train you to be," look around yourself and ask if the person you are, based on the five people you spend the most time with, is someone you are proud or ashamed to be? And if you find yourself ashamed, time to get some new fucking friends.

The company I want to keep are people who can disagree about issues without losing their shit, who can listen and change their minds when presented evidence contrary to their opinion, and who understand that when you lose your temper, you lose everything else as well.