By David Himmel

• Don’t make it so obvious that you’re trying so hard. Be the duck not the fish on the boat’s deck.

• Shredded parmesan cheese tastes better than grated parmesan cheese. Fight me.

• The only think I miss about not being on Facebook is the mindless scrolling. So, I’ve taken to perusing Venmo instead of reading a book or news story on the shiter.

• Can’t buy sanity. Can borrow it for a few moments every few days at best. But who has it to spare? Maybe it’s best to lean into it and go fucking bonkers.

• Everyone does a little extra undercarriage grooming before their annual physical, right? Right? Just me? You liar.

• In order to avoid the mistakes my parents made with me as a child, my son and I listen to Dr. Dre’s The Chronic on the drive to school and Screeching Weasel’s My Brain Hurts on the way home.