by Joe Janes

After yesterday’s lackluster performance at Trump’s Impeachment Trial, his lawyers are prepping to defend the former president.

Here are some of their ideas.

-       Pointing out a box of matches and a can of gasoline to a pyromaniac standing in front of an abandoned warehouse is just being thoughtful.

-       Rioters were just COVID Crazy from having to wear masks and stay at home.

-       Trump’s message was one of peace and love. He is not responsible for misinterpretations.

-       Yes, Trump invited them to D.C. If you invite someone to your house and they shit on the floor, who’s really at fault here? We think it’s the poop.

-       Encouraging violence and enjoying violence are two very different things. 

-       Other countries do it. 

-       It was an Act of God. A very angry God who chose Trump to be president. To impeach Trump is to hate God.

-       Trump also thinks you are all special and he loves you and wants you to go home. Go home. 

-       Total misunderstanding. Trump was encouraging rioters to go to Capitol Tire & Auto Service to “Stop the Steel” on their outrageously low prices on steel rims.

-       If the Capitol police had been friendlier and welcomed the “rioters”, there wouldn’t have been any violence or anyone rubbing their genitals on Nancy Pelosi’s telephone.

-       Trump is not a cat.

-       Maybe that My Pillow Guy should take over for us.