By Joe Janes

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Newest Theories

U.S. House Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene is a proponent of many conspiracy theories from school shootings being staged to Jews using space lasers to start wildfires. 

Those were the normal ones.

Here’s a list of the latest theories Marjorie Taylor Greene also supports. 

1)    When Joe Biden sits at the Resolute Desk, he is naked from the waist down and his calves are being massaged with baby blood by children shipped to him via UberEATS.

2)    Hillary Clinton is actually a balloon.

3)    On the back of the Declaration of Independence is Thomas Jefferson’s recipe for Patriot Pie, which is just apple pie mixed with slavery. 

4)    The Washington Monument is an antenna transmitting leftist propaganda to aliens so aliens won’t like Republicans.

5)    If God did not want us to have guns, he wouldn’t have given Adam a conceal/carry permit in Eden.

6)    Vaccines track our movements and also punish us when we don’t reach our step goals.

7)    Trump not only won the election, he also won the Kentucky Derby.

8)    Tapeworms are the only thing holding Mitch McConnell together.

9)    Farmers are growing downloadable okra.

10) Black people do not have space lasers, but they use catapults to throw their babies into white, rich neighborhoods. 

11) World War 2 was better than World War 1 and democrats are preventing World War 3 from completing the trilogy. She also looks forward to the prequels that show Hitler’s human side. 

12) The corona virus was started in Tom Hanks’ basement.

13) Trees are the earth’s acne and need to be popped.

14) Democrats rigged the election, including getting her elected, to make Republicans look bad. (This one checks out.)