by Don Hall

From Slate:

Q. Quietly listening: Against my social circle’s better judgment, I’ve taken a liking to a controversial writer/podcaster. There are many accusations lobbed against him, but never any receipts, and his viewpoints are often mischaracterized. As a trans woman, I disagree with him about some things but I’ve never heard him say anything wildly unreasonable.

I’m torn. I understand if people don’t want to support him, but does that mean I have to stop? After reading the accusations against him, I personally find a lot of the backlash against him overblown. I enjoy his podcast, and I feel a little guilty pleasure when I listen to it. I won’t support all his endeavors—he is a bit much—but is it that terrible if I review the charges against him and continue to keep up with him quietly?

Sounds to me like you are on the correct path. You listen to a podcaster with whom you disagree with some of the time and can handle that disagreement like an adult.

Disagreeing with someone and deciding they are no longer worth your time is a personal decision. Your social circle is trying to bully you into agreeing with them rather than respect your intellectual ability to listen and decide for yourself. In this current McCarthyist state we’re playing around in, when met with your self-determined opinion (as opposed to following some strident party line) your social circle will likely turn to hyperbole and scorched earth rhetoric to both shame you into falling in line or paint the podcaster you listen to as evil.

Keep in mind, this isn’t new. It’s the playbook of everything high school clique in existence. Don’t be too hard on your strident friends. They simply haven’t found a better way to get what they want (ie. the ideological compliance of everyone around them) so they resort to the practice they know works: bullying and purity tests and hyperbolic attacks.

Be prepared. Your refusal to continue to exert your own autonomy will be met with 'friends' who have professed their love and appreciation for you to turn on you on a dime. You will go from an accepted member of your circle to pariah in a heartbeat.

If the good opinion of zealots and bullies is important to you then the answer is clear. Dump your podcaster and go along with the crowd. Keep in mind the frailty of their concern for you. Keep in mind that there will always be another compromise demanded, another opinion you are not allowed to express.

If your own self respect is the priority, stand your ground. You'll soon discover the quality of your friendships and discover that with friends like these, who needs them?