By David Himmel

• Think about it: the Full House theme song is a cry to make America great again.

 • Being weird doesn’t make you creative. Being creative can make you weird. Know the difference, weirdo.

• Trust in a friendship is more important today than in all of human history because friends can cancel you for the next twenty-seven lifetimes by publishing those text threads full of inappropriate humor and (joking) plans to kill a now former president.

• Anti-vaxxers preventing us from reaching herd immunity reveals themselves as nothing more than a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder with Cheese that prevents us from pooping a solid shit.

• In my utopian world, there would be no need for credit, no need for mortgages. Everyone would be able to purchase a home with cash. Even better, pelts, meats, vegetables, maybe rare metals. Tangible goods. In my utopian world, homes would be affordable, and we wouldn’t have to work so long and so hard for so little to finally eek by with a leaky roof over our heads.

• Having privilege does not make you a bad person. Being unable to empathize beyond your privilege does.