By David Himmel

• The point of a bigger house for your family is to give everyone space to escape the others.

• It hit me a little past 2:10 a.m. the other night/morning that if I’m to do all I want and need to do in life, I need to prove every scientist, scientific study, medical doctor, therapist, and common sense wrong by showing that one-and-a-half hours of sleep per day is plenty and perfectly healthy. I suppose I could cut back my time on the toilet playing solitaire, but self-care is important, right?

• The overwhelming and long-lasting pride I have over my son finally pooping in the potty further solidifies my theory that parenthood is a mental illness 

• A fresh haircut can really improve your sense of self. So, too, can three beers and a shot of whiskey.

• The key to success is not just putting in the work, but also knowing when to stop working.

• Perhaps our obsession with missing and dead white girls is because they often go missing and are killed by white men and we just love looking at ourselves even at our worst. We’re self-obsessed. We are American Psychos.