Negative Gender Stereotypes?
TikTok has banned a Match.com advert for negative gender stereotypes, after a complaint was made to UK-based advertising watchdog, the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA).
The video portrayed a heterosexual couple in their home, and was titled "Things that make him realise I’m a keeper". It then went on to show the woman doing all sorts of tasks for the man, with simultaneous audio explaining her intentions.
"I will make him his protein drink after the gym," the voiceover says. "I always make sure he has a fresh towel and socks after his shower. I put the football on for him every evening. Find your keeper via Match. Go download the Match app today."
According to the Independent, Match.com defended the video, saying it was one of three in a series that depicted thoughtful things people do for their partners. Another showed a man doing such things while the last featured both partners partaking in gestures for each other.
Still, the ASA stood by their decision, particularly because of the domestic nature of the chores the woman was doing, in order to "please her male partner".
"We concluded that the ad perpetuated negative gender stereotypes and was likely to cause harm and widespread offence," the regulator said. They also explained that the advert "reinforced the idea that women should be subservient to men in order to maintain a successful relationship".
It was an odd turning point in the marriage. I didn't see it as such, a portent of things to come at the time but when she looked me dead in the eye, just a few months after landing in Vegas and likely only weeks before she stepped out with a new sidepiece in the form of a death metal bass player, and told me "I love it when you do things for me but I hate doing things for you," I should've seen it for what it was.
Hell, I should've seen the signs when, for our first anniversary I saved for a year and sent her to Paris. She's a poet, had never been to France, and I rented an AirBnB for her to stay by herself for three weeks and I joined her for the final week of the month. When I arrived, she not only didn't meet me at the airport, she wasn't even at the flat when I arrived and I sat in the rain for two hours until she got back from hanging out in a park.
I wasn't always the most giving partner—my first two ex-wives might attest to that—but by the third I had learned something pretty valuable even though it was practiced on the wrong partner.
Years earlier I went on a Thanksgiving trip with my family to Branson, MO of all places.
We saved the best, most Branson-y show for Saturday. Yakov Smirnoff. Holy shit. I couldn't wait. I was absolutely certain it would embody everything I expected Branson to be—cheesy, cloying, the very portrait of a has-been celebrity stretching out his 15 minutes of fame as paper thin as he could in the heart of the Vegas of the Ozarks. We were greeted by a giant Yakov head making awful jokes about... the size of his head! Inside, it turned out that Yakov was a painter and had his paintings for sale!
The beginning of the show was the longest version of the national anthem I've ever heard (who know there were, like, nine verses?) and then I was hit with another surprise. On the video screens came an old Paul Harvey "The Rest of the Story" about a painter known as Jacob who painted and commissioned a painting in tribute to the fallen at Ground Zero in NYC following the Attacks of 9/11. Painted on the side of a building overlooking the rubble, it was the backdrop to the first anniversary of the attacks. The painter was an anonymous Yakov Smirnoff. He paid for the commission out of his own pocket.
Some of his show was what I expected: a revisitation of his "What a Country!" schtick from the '80s—a sketch of him as the president answering questions from the audience, and he actually quoted the Lee Greenwood God Bless the U.S.A. as a closer. But other parts were not at all what I anticipated. Turns out that Yakov went out and got a Master's Degree in psychology and decided that his show could also serve as a relationship counseling session as well. Sort of like Defending the Caveman meets a less arrogant Dr. Phill with the takeaway being that we begin relationships laughing and giving each other little gifts and that, if we simply return to giving each other gifts and finding laughter in our relationships, we'll be happier, healthier people.
Giving each other gifts. Doing things for one another. How is that a negative stereotype? I'd argue that a couple of incredibly selfish and self centered people in a couple is a far more negative image than "I will make him his protein drink after the gym. I always make sure he has a fresh towel and socks after his shower. I put the football on for him every evening." From my recent experience, I think a couple with one spouse who gives with abandon and the other who takes with equal fervor but does not reciprocate much is more negative than the Match.com version. "He got me a beautiful necklace for Christmas and I got him deodorant" seems out of balance (true story).
There are negative stereotypes out there we should want to avoid but a giving and thoughtful partner is not one of them.
The Hairy Legged Feminist
There are certainly a segment of feminist who refuse to shave and are nothing if not filled with spite and rage over the good looking dudes ignoring them because they are overall plain looking and perpetually pissed off at men. Not a great stereotype, though.
The MAGA Republican
I'd imagine if the Match.com ad included a woman saying "I will make sure his AR-15 is oiled and cleaned. I will always make sure his Trump shirt is clean and will always have Fox News on when he comes home from his Oath Keepers meeting," that would definitely be a negative stereotype.
The Insane Trans
I've met and worked with a few transgender women and transgender men and my assessment is that most just want to be left alone to live their lives. Just be treated with the same respect and dignity as anyone else. The image of the JK Rowling obsessed, foaming at the mouth over Dave Chapelle and pissed off about pronouns is both a rare and negative stereotype. Trust me—NO ONE wants to be matched up with that lunatic.
The Evil Pharma CEO
OK. That one is not a stereotype. It's just a sad fact.
The Islamophobe
Phobia is an irrational fear of something. When women in Iran and Afghanistan are jailed, beaten, tortured, and murdered at the hands of religious morality police, the fear is pretty much anything but irrational. Fear of the dark isn't really in the same league as fear of a jihadist.
The Soy Boy
"I will always make sure his manbun is tightly wound and his X-Box is on and ready for play. I will regularly clean his BLM and Believe Her t-shirts as well as make sure his erectile dysfunction pills are readily available when he comes home after his caffe latte date with his Bespoke Beard group."
Negative stereotype!
Uh. Don? I think you're missing the point. It's the patriarchal stereotype of a subservient woman that critics are calling negative.
I see that. I also see that Match.com balanced that stereotype with one where the man gives to his spouse and one where they both give to one another. You know, context and all that inconvenient shit.
Well, also there's the entire heteronormative thing to consider...
Ah. Well, the planet is heteronormative in that surveys in Western cultures find, on average, that about 93% of men and 87% of women identify as completely heterosexual. That's 'normative.' That's the overwhelming majority. This is not to say that heterosexual is the only way or even necessarily the right way but that it is the way of most people. Match.com is looking to make money. Money is made by courting heterosexuals because there are far more of them than of anyone else.
Stereotypes exist. No question that some are negative both in intent and impact. If, on the other hand, you lean in to one and insist that despite your adherence to it, it must be banished, you fit the stereotype of a boob.