by Joe Janes

 For many people, Thanksgiving this year will be a return to “normal” which means extensive travel and celebrating with family and friends. The world will still be turning and the news will still need to be reported.

So our readers don’t miss out, here are Thanksgiving’s top headlines.

Seven Dead After Shoot Out Over Wishbone At Lauren Boebert’s Home

Dressed As Turkey Outside White House, Trump Begs Biden For Pardon

Family Listens To Christmas Carols Oblivious to Thanksgiving’s Feelings

Extreme Temperatures Cause Turkeys to Burst Into Flames in Alaska

Gangs of Vigilante Drag Queens Vow to Make the Streets Fabulous

Overeating and Televised Sports Help Families Bond While Ignoring One Another

Herschel Walker, Ted Cruz, and Lindsey Graham Convinced They All Speak for Black People

Elon Musk Last Person on Twitter, Doesn’t Know How To Turn It Off

Anti-Vaxer Marjorie Taylor Greene Vows To Only Eat “Pure Blood” Turkeys

HAPPY THANKSGIVING – WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!