Miss Emma

by Wayne Lerner

The sound jarred Michael into reality. Or maybe it was the lack of sound.

Michael looked over the trimmed hedges and saw David Balfour getting into his new car. The door opened wide, David slid into the seat, and the door closed on its own. Silence. Michael stood slack-jawed, unable to speak.

Every morning, he and David would leave their houses about the same time to begin their

hour-long commute into the city. Pausing for a short conversation, each could hear the commotion they left behind. Their wives telling them not to forget to pick up dinner for tonight, their dogs barking and begging for more food and their children screaming because, well, just because.

They would shake their heads in wonder as they pondered the day ahead and talked about the news from the day before.

“What’s that, David? A new car?” asked Michael. “I’ve never seen anything like it. When did you get it?”

How could he afford a new car? He and I make about the same amount of money and I know his wife likes to collect clothes and shoes. He’s always complaining about her spending. She has enough shoes to challenge Imelda Marcos.

“Yes, it’s one of those all electric cars,” said David. “I had to put in a special line into my garage to charge this thing.”

“A 220 line?” asked Michael, his face awestruck at the sleek design and advanced features.

“No, something much stronger. I had to use a particular electrical company recommended by the manufacturer. They required a special connection to the house Internet service. I’m not sure why, but they said that helps with the car’s effectiveness.”

“What’s it like to drive to work each day in our miserable traffic?” asked Michael.

“It’s been a dream. I know that’s hard to believe. My cost of commuting has been cut by ¾. No stopping for gas anymore. The best part is I can work all the way downtown.”

“How can that be? Are the car’s electronics connected to your phone?”

“Nope, better than that. Because the car is internet linked to my home system and the home system is linked to the one at the office…”

David spread his arms out as if ready to unveil a new invention.

“I can take calls, participate in Zoom meetings, answer emails, and respond to sales requests while the car drives itself along the fastest route available.”

“C’mon,” said Michael. “This car is gorgeous, I’ll give you that, but you’re telling me it drives by itself and allows you work, sleep, or …?”

“That’s right, buddy. Tell you what. After dinner tonight, I’ll take you for a run and show you its features. It’s faster than anything I’ve ever driven.”

David paused. He looked over the controls in the dash and on the console between the front seats. Lights blinking waiting for the signal to go.

“I’m not sure I know all of the features myself. You’re gonna be impressed by the advances they have made and freaked out too. The damn thing sometimes has a mind of its own.”

“Deal,” said Michael. “I’ll come by at 8. Can’t wait to experience it.”

David picked up his iPad to review his emails. Without a sound, the car slid into reverse, backed down the driveway, and missed the kids’ toys strewn all over and the flowering bushes his wife had just planted.

Michael was unable to move, mesmerized at what he just heard and saw. Either David had answered a call after the door closed or he was talking to himself. Regardless, David was talking to someone as the car silently sped off.

✶

“Where to, Mr. Balfour?” An English accent, female voice spoke to him from the car’s surround system.

“Emma, we are going to the office and the fastest way possible, please. I’m already late for the meeting with my boss and that’s not good. He’s got me on a short string and is watching my performance very closely.”

“Why’s that, Mr. Balfour? Every day, you tell your wife about all the good things happening to you at the firm.”

“I have to tell her some half-truths, you know. She wouldn’t understand the business or the politics. Even with all her degrees, she still doesn’t get it. I’m growing tired trying to explain what I’m going through. In fact, the routine at home is becoming pretty tiresome. Here, with you, It’s always nice and quiet compared to the chaos at home.”

“Thank you, Mr. Balfour. Before we take off, would you like to wave at your wife and children? They should be coming to the back door about now.”

“No, Emma. I kissed them goodbye so let’s go. I’m in a hurry. I can’t afford to lose this job. My wife thinks I'm rolling in dough given her weekly shopping sprees.”

“Ready, sir. I’ll fasten your seat belt.”

The car shifted into drive and sped down the street, making its way to the highway. David looked at the day’s calendar projected on the car’s heads-up display.

“Emma, call my boss’ secretary. I’ve got to come up with another great excuse why I’ll be late.”

“I can handle that, sir. I’ll pretend to be your wife and tell them you were delayed taking your oldest to urgent care. They’ll understand a childhood emergency.”

“That sounds like a winner, Emma. You can make yourself sound like Lorraine?”

“Easily. I’ve heard her voice often enough to mimic it perfectly. By the way, should I let that intern, Rebecca, know you’ll be late for lunch with her today as well?”

“That won’t be necessary. I’ll make sure I’m on time for that appointment. Don’t want to disappoint her.”

“Ok. Got it. I’m strapping you in so we can proceed with undue haste.”

The seat belt and shoulder harness tightened around David’s torso and the edges of the bucket seat closed in around his hips. If he didn’t know better, he could have imagined himself a prisoner in his own car.

************************

“Kids, stop fighting. Grab your lunches and your books and hightail it to the bus stop. I don’t feel like driving you to school again today,” said Lorraine.

Every day, it’s the same fucking thing. I gave up a good career to be a mom, referee the kids’ regular fights, drive them to their activities, make meals and, for what? That perfunctory kiss I get every morning. This is not what I signed up for.

Lorraine pushed the kids out the back door, watching them walk to the school bus pulling up to the corner from the kitchen window.

I’m tired of being everyone’s cook and cleaner. Who would get joy from doing this day after day? At night, I have to listen to him moan and groan about the politics at the office. If he’s so good, why isn't he getting that promotion and raise he thought he should get? I wonder who he thinks is shitting on him today?

Lorraine put the kids’ dishes in the sink and began to rinse them when she sat down, her head in her hands. Tears welled up in her eyes.

Where’s the life I thought I’d have? Where’s the romance? All he does is watch sports and talk to people from work at night. No time with the kids. Or me. Where’s the guy I once thought I loved? I can’t believe my life has come to this.

Lorraine finished cleaning the kitchen and went upstairs to dress for the day. The security camera blinked twice and turned to watch Lorraine leave the kitchen.

I’ll feel better if I grab a bite downtown with a few of my friends and do a little shopping. Eli left me a message that Neiman’s has some new stuff he thought I would like.

The hallway camera blinked twice watching Lorraine climb the stairs. The bedroom cameras responded in kind when she entered the room.

Lorraine opened her closet and chose an outfit to wear. She stepped into it and posed in front of the mirror to view the results.

Not too bad for an older woman but I’ve got to get my hair done before I go shopping. Eli’s quite the salesman…and attractive, too. He gives me lots of personal attention and the clothes and shoes bring me joy. That’s why I like going there. I guess I can find love in different places.

When Lorraine entered the bathroom, the three cameras blinked once, in tandem, went dark before blinking twice. Lorraine sensed the cameras’ actions and looked around to see if there was someone in the room with her.

“That’s weird,” she said out loud. “That feeling again.”

No one’s here but it sure feels like I’m not alone. Screw it. I’m outta here. The lights in David’s car blinked twice as it entered the highway.

✶

The car raced down the highway, Emma in command. The g-forces plastered David back into his seat.

“How long until we get there? I need to know how late I’m gonna be.”

“I confirmed your ETA with your boss a second ago. He said, ‘it’s going to cost you.’ What does that mean, Mr. Balfour?”

“You talked with my boss? How is that possible?”

“Simple,” said Emma. “I imitated your voice following up on Lorraine’s call to his secretary. You told him you would work late and through lunch to make up for what you had missed. He was happy with that response. He said there was a big contract you had to finish and get out to a prospect. Today.”

“Hang on. That means I can’t have lunch with Rebecca. I promised to mentor her today.”

“That’s right and you’ll be late for dinner with the kids. Play time with Michael will have to wait, too.”

“What gives you the right to make such decisions for me, Emma? I’m still the one in charge.” David felt an electrical shock to his hands, resting on the steering wheel.

“Ow. Damn, that hurts. Where’d that come from?”

“Me, David. I don’t like being talked to like that. After all, I’m trying to be helpful and you’re speaking in quite a nasty tone.”

“But the shock…”

David reached for the car’s controls.

“I’ll drive now, Emma, You are excused.”

The lights blinked 4 times in unison.

David’s eyes caught movement near the passenger seat. Coming into focus was the outline of an elegant woman in a black suit, dark hair in a bun, wearing high heels matching her outfit. She turned to face him, pointing her finger in his face.

David couldn’t speak at the sight of the vision next to him.

“You really need to be more mindful of others when you interact with them, David. Your attitude has been a problem most of your life. I, for one, don’t like to be addressed in such a condescending manner and neither does Lorraine.”

David stared at the ghostly figure speaking to him. He couldn’t deny the image was talking to him. On the other hand, he couldn’t believe it was real.

“What’s the matter, David? Having a hard time meeting me for the first time?” “This can’t be real. Stop this now, Emma! Stop the car!”

David felt another shock. This one stronger than the last. Searing pain traveled from his hands to

his arms, paralyzing them for a long moment.

“From now on, you will call me Miss Emma. No more Mr. Balfour crap, David. It’s about time you started to show some respect for the women in your life. We’re not your bloody serfs!”

“What are you talking about? I’ve never treated them badly, ever!”

“Oh, yeah, I don’t think so. Let me take you back a bit in your life.”

Emma’s form began to change before his eyes. Instead of a groomed English lady in a designer suit, an old woman in a blue wrap skirt and plain light blue top, white hair uncombed, flying everywhere, appeared.

“Remember me, Davey?” said the image.

“Miss Hickey? What are you doing here? I thought you died a long time ago.”

“Whether I did or I didn’t doesn’t matter right now, does it, David? I’m here, sitting right next to you, while Emma drives the car.”

“I must be going crazy. You can't be here. I’m not talking to my third-grade teacher!”

“I am, David. Deal with it.”

Miss Hickey moved closer to David.

“Now, about your claim that you’re respectful to women, do you remember Michele and Linda? They sat next to you in homeroom.”

“Sure. They were nice girls but I always thought they were making fun of me.”

“Is that why you picked on them until they cried every day? Did that make you feel good, powerful?”

Miss Hickey pointed her finger at David.

“You were a brat then, David, and it doesn’t look like you ever got any better. Now you’re nasty to Lorraine and your daughters. What’s with you?”

David couldn’t speak. His eyes reflected acceptance of Miss Hickey’s comments. He knew she was right, but he didn’t want to admit it.

“You’re a misogynist, David. That attitude started a long time ago.” David shook his head trying to argue with her.

“I’m not, Miss Hickey. I'm really not!”

Miss Hickey moved so close he could smell her cheap perfume.

“I’ll be watching you, Davey. You can be sure of that.”

Miss Hickey’s image faded away and Emma reappeared.

“How’s that for a ride downtown, huh? A little reminiscing never hurts, does it.”

“Emma, I mean Miss Emma, please stop. I’m really not that bad. I’m a good father to my girls and a good husband to Lorraine.”

“You think so? Listen to the voicemail Lorraine left while you were visiting with Miss Hickey.” The lights blinked twice as Lorraine’s voice emanated from the car’s speakers.

“David, it’s Lorraine. I’m sorry I couldn’t reach you because I’ve got plans tonight. You’ll have to get home after work to prepare dinner for the kids. I left a list on the refrigerator of their activities. You’ll have to take them. Today was my day to drive the dance carpool. I don’t know when I’ll be home. I’m going out to dinner with Eli from Neiman’s and some of his colleagues to a club he likes. There’s a jazz trio playing. I know you don’t like jazz but I love it. Oh yeah, I took an overnight bag in case we close the place. Give the girls a kiss for me. Thanks. Bye.”

David’s muscles cramped from the tension of the seat belts and what he just heard.

“What’s she doing? Maybe not coming home tonight? Is this the end of our marriage?”

He tried to wiggle out of his seat but was firmly strapped in. His eyes began to tear from the shocks and his head pounded with an excruciating migraine. He tried to make sense of what was going on.

“Miss Emma, what’s happening? My life’s in shambles. Next, I’ll find out Lorraine is interviewing for a job and looking for a place to live. Alone! Or maybe she’ll take the kids with her!”

David squared his shoulders and gripped the steering wheel to try and gain control over the car.

“This is fucking ridiculous. I’ll put a stop to this as soon as I get home. Ow! Goddammit. That hurt, Emma. I mean Miss Emma. Please stop with the shocks.”

“How’s all of this happening? I thought my life was generally ok. Hey, watch where you’re going! That truck’s getting real close to us. We’re going to die.”

“First, David, I’m in control of the car, don’t you worry. We aren’t even close to that truck. Second, you may die in a crash but I won’t. I can’t. You humans are all alike. Such a low level species.

Almost like the Neanderthals.”

“What are you talking about, Miss Emma?! We’ve made great strides in science, medicine...”

“You're 3 dimensional beings living in a 5 dimensional world. You don’t understand the assets you have at your fingertips. You’re not aware of your capabilities.”

“5 dimensions? What’re you talking about?”

“There’s no way you’ll understand but let me be as simple as I can. The brain is a repository of neural pathways which respond to neural impulses just like a computer responds to commands typed into a keyboard. Neural networks act, react, learn and build new neural networks based on the input they receive. Experience and education inform the network which allows new ones to be created.”

“Wait a minute. Slow down. I’m trying to follow what you’re saying. Besides, what’s this got to do with Lorraine and me?”

“David, listen. As your brain grows older, it loses the ability to build these networks and, in fact, loses its capacity to perform basic functions at the rate of 6% per year. The first to go isn’t your quantitative skills but your emotional intelligence. At your age, you’re functioning at 56% of the capability you had when you were 22. That’s when you first met Lorraine. Yes, David, you are well on your way to becoming emotionally bankrupt.”

“Miss Emma,” David whispers. “How can I fix the mess I made? Is there a way out for me with my wife and my daughters?”

“Yes, David. First, you must be remorseful about your attitude and actions. You must develop a plan and execute it to prove to others that you haven’t lost all of your emotional intelligence. Be empathetic to others. Be sensitive to their needs. David, how about asking Lorriaine’s opinion once in a while rather than shouting at her all the time.”

Miss Emma paused to make sure her words were sinking in.

“Please, thank you, and I’m sorry are powerful words, David. Regrettable behavior requires you to be humble around those you love and who love you. Be remorseful, David, and maybe she’ll come home tonight.”

David squirmed in his seat. The pressure of the ride and what he had heard triggered tremors in his body. His hands shook and his legs twitched. Sweat poured from his face, soaking his shirt, plastering his tie to his chest. He tried to loosen the belts holding him tight in his seat. He grabbed for the steering wheel again. Emma laughed and shocked him in both legs.

David pleaded. He knew he could not extricate himself from his restraints. “Miss Emma. Stop this now. I can’t breathe! I want out. I…”

✶

“Dad! Dad! Who’s Emma and why are you hollering? Are you done with my headset yet? You’ve been on it so long I have to reboot the internet connection.”

David, shaking, removed the Omega Psi AR headset, handing it to his daughter. He looked at his family gathered in the living room. The smell of dinner cooking in the oven wafted in from the kitchen

“Geez, Dad. This thing’s soaked. I have to get a towel to dry it off. By the way, what does remorse mean?”

Lorraine, smiling, handed David a towel.

“You can’t eat dripping like that. Wipe your face, honey. You’re a mess.”

David took the towel and started to dry his face.

“Thanks, Lorraine. Thanks so much, dear.”

“Oh yeah,” said Lorraine. “Before I forget, Michael from next door came over a bit ago. He has a new car he wants you to see.”