Last weekend, former president and ex-host of The Apprentice called for the termination of the U.S. Constitution. Here he presents a replacement.

I the People

Donald Trump’s Pre-ramble to the New and Improved Better Than Ever U.S. Constitution

I the People of the United States, does it get more perfect than that? Really, does it? I love this country. It really is a perfect union. They say it is. And it is. A perfect union, like me and Melania. More than perfect, really. Look at that flag. It’s beautiful. Betty Ross did such a great job. I love our flag. In my new constitution, the pledge of allegiance will no longer be banned in schools and everyone will have to stand for the national anthem. Stand for freedom or get the hell out, am I right?

There’s justice. Oh, we’ve got justice. You bet there’s justice. No more witch hunts. Only justice. Clinton, Fauci, Pelosi, Hunter and Sleepy Joe, all going to jail. Job stealing, vote stealing, illegal immigrants are all going behind bars, too. Steel bars. Not bars that serve alcohol, but who knows, they go behind them too. We know they do.

There will be a congress. A big, beautiful congress. Republican congress. Real republicans. No RINOs. Only true patriots.

Fair, honest elections or none at all. If we can’t keep the cheating democrats from stealing our elections we do away with them, right? It’s what our founding fathers would do. They were very smart men, the founding fathers. Almost as smart as me.

People can assemble if they’re nice about it. Just be nice. No rioting. No looting. Don’t block traffic. What’s that? Blocking traffic? Real americans are trying to get to work or go home. No ANTIFA. We’ve had it with ANTIFA, haven’t we? I have. ANTIFA will be outlawed. Bye-bye, ANTIFA.

Taxes. We don’t need taxes. You run the country like a smart businessman, like me, and you don’t need taxes. Get rid of the IRS. Get rid of the FBI. The DOJ. They’re all corrupt and wasting tons of money. Tons of money. We’ll save so much money under my constitution.

I’ll be in charge. We’ll do things because I say so. It’s called executive privilege. Did you know that? Executive, me, privilege, also me. Stop wasting money on Ukraine. What did they ever do for us? Sure never helped me. Invest in America first. Starting with me, because I’m the guy in charge. I’m a smart businessman. I know how to negotiate. No president has ever done more for black people than me. They should be more thankful. Newsflash, ALL lives matter.

I can pardon people. That’s in the constitution. The old one, too. I’ll pardon lots of people. Including me. I’ll forgive loans, too. All mine, as an example. I won’t forgive student loans like Biden. You have a degree, figure out how to pay your own debts, for crying out loud.

We have a Christian nation under one God, great guy, but people can practice whatever religion they want. Do what you want. You want to do your Muslim thing or your jew thing or your gay thing, okay, I guess. Just don’t shove it down our throats and don’t try to take away Christmas. We will now say “Merry Christmas” after the pledge of allegiance. All year round. Nothing more American than putting up a Christmas tree and leaving some fruitcake and money for Santa.

Guns. We’ve got to have guns. We have to protect our families and our country from terrorists and drag queens. Amen. God bless America. Merry Christmas.