By David Himmel

• There’s a cop who lives down the street from us. They fly a Blue Line American flag. This week, they swapped it out for a green American flag with one of the stripes replaced with four leaf clovers with the Ireland flag colors in them. So, not only does this officer of the law degrade the American flag by flying ones with manipulated colors, they’ve incorporated another country’s flag into our own. Patriotism is strange. But what should I expect from an Irish Chicago cop?

• Cathedral City might be the rub and tug capitol of Southern California. On a four-mile run, I counted more wank joints within two blocks than I’ve ever seen. It even beats out Las Vegas’ Spring Mountain jerk strip.

• After two years of living with masks, not having it covering your nose in a public space where it’s required, like, say, an airport, is the same as not silencing your cell phone in a movie theater. C’mon. This isn’t new anymore.

• My dog Molly growled at a Buddha statue in front of a neighbor’s house on our walk. She is a bitch in every sense of the word. It’s a good thing she’s cute.

• I have yet to find a better place to be in early March than the high deserts of the American Southwest.

• Lately, I’ve seen a lot of white women who look a lot like Marjorie Taylor Greene. It’s disturbing for me and unfortunate for them. While I’m curious about what made Greene so racist, anti-Semitic, and an all-around dumbass, I’m more concerned as to why her eyes are so close together and if she could be legally classified as a cyclops.