by Wayne Lerner

Louise approached the table with her usual nonchalance. A bit overweight with wobbly knees, it was her personality that won her large tips. 

“Well, lookyhere what the dog dragged in. If it ain’t the bobbsey twins home from college. You guys just about finished so you can get a real job instead of hanging around the deli all the time?” Louise laughed and then coughed deep from her lungs. “Fucking cigarettes are going to kill me,” she said to no one in particluar. 

“Yup, we’re seniors and have been interviewing for gainful employment,” replied Billy. “Gainful? I’ll take any employment just so I can get out of the house,” said Jerry. 

“Don’t be so quick, smart guys,” Louise added. “You don’ know how good you got it. But you’ll learn soon enough when your Daddy cuts you off.” 

“Mine won’t cut me off,” said Billy. “We have a deal.” 

“Izthatso?” replied Louise. “That’s not what I heard him say to Jerry here’s Dad just yesterday.” 

The boys looked at each in wonder but chose not to respond. They didn’t know if Louise was teasing them or telling the truth. Regardless, this wasn’t the time to get into it with her. Otherwise, their food would never come. 

“Ok then, whaddaya have? The usual for both of ya?” 

“That would be great, Louise,” said Jerry. “We have a lot to catch up on.” 

“What’s the matter with you two? This is 1972. You never heard of telephones? You coulda talked a lot but I bet you were too busy trying to see if you could finally get laid. Hard to believe I am serving a couple of virgins. Maybe, instead of Cokes, I’ll get you both a couple of Virgin Mary’s.” 

Louise laughed so hard her belly shook and her glasses fell off her nose. The customers in the surrounding tables looked over in case they could get in on the joke. 

“Whaddaya guys lookin’ at?” Louise boomed in their direction. “Get back to your soup and samwitches.” 

Everyone at Karl’s knew not to cross Louise. Going on 30 years, she had assumed the role of majordomo. Even Karl kept his mouth shut around Louise. 

They said she was not always this way. When she started, she was patient and nice to everyone. After 3 decades of listening to customers bitch about the temperature of the soup, its salt content, the size of the bill or the small serving of meat on their sandwich, Louise’s snarky personality was honed to a sharp edge. Her eyes were peaceful around babies but, otherwise, they glared at her patrons. The message was clear. Don’t fuck with me. Don’t take too long eating either. Make sure you leave me a big tip. Or else! 

As Louise left to get the boys their soup, Jerry called out, “Don’t forget the old pickles and sauerkraut. Please.” 

The look on Louise’s face told him he might never get his meal. Cross me again, buster, and you’ll pay. 

Billy looked around to see if anyone was eavesdropping on them. Seeing no interlopers, he started the conversation they talked about having long ago. 

“When was your first time? You tell your story then I'll tell you mine,” he said. 

“I think my first time was with Rita Spurtus or maybe it was with Sarah Moses. On the other hand, it could have been with Trina Thomas. I was always hot for her,” smiled Jerry. 

“C’mon. Don’t bullshit me. Who else are you gonna tell, your Mom? Louise? Be straight. Don’t go pulling lies outta your ass like you usually do. Who was your first?” 

“Ok, I’ll tell you. My first time was not here. It was when I was in Rome when I was 16,” said Jerry. 

“I remember when you went that summer,” said Billy. “You left the softball team one player short, you prick. We had to take Ronnie whose eyes were so bad he couldn’t hit or catch.” 

“Oh yeah, I’m so sorry,” Jerry laughed. “Ronnie couldn’t find his fly with a flashlight. Anyway, I thought he moved north.” 

“No, Ronnie was still around. He helped us to lose every game that summer. Never mind baseball, what happened in Rome?” 

'You remember Jeff Harris? His parents owned that radio station, WAZA, downtown.” 

“I do. One day they were here, the next, they picked up and moved to Italy,” said Billy as he looked over each shoulder before placing his Sox cap on an empty chair. He wanted to make sure no one sat there. This conversation had to remain private. 

“They sold the station and the house and took the kids out of school to finish up in Rome. Just about the time the neighborhood was getting bad,” said Billy. 

“Right. They had the biggest house on Parkside. Marble floors and a full time maid, Lena. Lena raised Jeff and his brother and sister. She was the boss and everyone knew it. But could she cook! I still dream about the meals I ate there,” said Jerry. 

“I only got invited over for parties,” said Billy. “You were his good friend so you were there more than me. Lucky guy. Anyway, continue.” 

The smell of cigarette smoke announced her arrival. Louise sidled up to their table, balancing two large soups and a plate of pickles and kraut on her formidable forearms. 

“Thanks, Louise. By the way, can we get a basket of bread? You know how much Jerry eats all by himself,” said Billy. 

“See that station over there,” said Louise, pointing over her shoulder, as she headed back to the kitchen. “Want bread? Get it yourself. I got 4 more tables to wait on today ‘cause Karl’s too cheap to hire another waitress.” 

Billy got the basket of bread and, with not a moment to waste, the boys dove into the pickles and sauerkraut. “This is the way to eat,” said Billy. “Not like the crap in the dorms at school.” 

Jerry nodded his head in agreement, then continued his story. “Jeff and I had a deal. If I could save enough money by the time we were juniors in high school, I could come for part of the summer.” 

Jerry paused as he savored the bread and the soup. “Man, have I missed this stuff,'' he said. 

“Save room for the sandwich and dessert,” said Billy as he dug into his starters. ”But keep talking before Louise comes around again.” 

“Jeff’s house in Rome was immense. They even had a large permanent staff…butler, maid, gardener and housekeeper. While I was there, they even washed my laundry and ironed my underwear. Can you believe that?” 

“Give me a break, wouldya?” said Billy. “They ironed your shorts?” 

“Yeah. When I got home, I told my Mom that I loved having my underwear ironed,” said Jerry. “‘Ok,’ she said. Then she went to the closet and slapped her iron down in front of me. ‘You know what you can do with this, buster.’” Jerry laughed as he stuffed another pickle in his mouth. 

“Enough with your tighty-whitey story. Get to the juicy part, wouldya?” said Billy, slurping down the last of his soup. 

Jerry moved their soup bowls aside to make room for their sandwiches “Ok, the first time. About a week or so after I arrived, Jeff said we were going to a beach party with some of his friends. It was great to be invited. After all, I hadn’t seen him in a few years. I guess he thought I wouldn’t embarrass him. Anyway, Jeff went to a private high school with a lot of expat kids. They were 

from all over the world. By now, Jeff was fluent in Italian but the classes were all held in English.” “Good thing or you wouldn’t have been able to understand anyone at the party,” said Billy. “Correct. The party was on a Thursday night as school was never held on Fridays,” said Jerry. “Why was that, do you wonder?” asked Billy. 

“I dunno. Probably so the kids could travel around Europe and learn about different cultures.” “I should have gone there instead of Austin,” said Billy. 

“Yeah, both of us,” said Jerry. “Anyway, after touring on my own for a few hours, I met Jeff at a burger place in the center of Rome. All the expat kids hung out there.” 

“Who cares about the restaurant? Gimme the goods on the women!” 

“Restaurant? Women? I can’t wait to hear the rest of this story,” said Louise. She was standing over their shoulders, their sandwiches in her meaty hands. 

“Those look great, Louise. Thanks so much,” said Billy, anxious to hear the details of Jerry’s first conquest and dive into his sandwich. 

Louise just stood there, not moving, the sandwiches still in her hands. 

“What’s wrong?” asked Jerry. 

“Nothing,” replied Louise, with a big smile on her face. “I’m waiting to hear your story, Jerry. I’m going to sit me down, take a coffee break with you guys and listen to the rest of this fairy tale. Maybe I’ll tell you about my first time.” 

The blood drained from their faces at the thought of Louise joining them. She put the food down and chuckled. ”I’ll be back with your fries in a sec. Keep that story going. I can't wait to hear the next chapter.” 

Jerry and Billy took a deep breath when they realized she wasn’t going to join them. “I thought she was serious,” said Billy. 

“Me, too,” said Jerry. 

They dug into their oversized sandwiches. The corned beef, oozing with garlic and salt, took them to their happy place. 

Jerry took a big bite, then continued. “We had something to eat at the burger place and, when it got dark, we took a bus to the beach. The party and a large bonfire were already going strong.” 

“How many kids were there?” asked Billy. 

“About 15, I would guess. Folks from all over the world, all speaking English but with different accents. The fire was crackling and s’mores were cooking. A perfect night which was about to get better,” said Jerry. 

Billy looked around to see if Louise was nearby. “Hurry up, wouldya? Get on with the story before she comes back!” 

“The kids passed around a bottle of wine and a couple of joints. Everyone took a swig from the bottle and a hit of the grass. They were swaying to the music and mellowing out.” 

“You smoked marijuana?” asked Billy in a stage whisper. 

“What could I do? Good thing I smoke cigarettes so I know how to inhale. I didn’t want to look like a dork in front of Jeff and his friends. Besides, the high was great. It was the beginning of a night not to be forgotten.” 

“Not to be forgotten? Why? Because you were going to have your first?” asked Billy. “Yes, but another thing happened first which reminded me of home,” said Jerry. “Shit. What was that?” asked Billy. “Sounds like a downer or something ominous.” 

“All of a sudden, an English accent like McCartney’s came booming through the dark. ‘Hey, you blokes. What are you doing? Did you save some of those munchies for me? Big Brian’s ready to party!’” 

“So, another guy was showing up. What’s the big deal?” 

“Do you remember what was going on in our neighborhood around that time?” 

“I sure do. We were living through the riots, both in the streets and at school, all year long. It was not a safe time for whites or blacks.” 

“Right. The couple of years before then weren’t too bad unless the hillbillies started a fight. They hated everybody. Junior year, the riots started. All of sudden, it wasn’t cool to have black friends or for them to hang with white kids.” 

“I sure remember,” said Billy. “Forget about getting an education. Surviving was the focus.” 

“Me, too,” said Jerry. “Everyone was on edge. Tempers boiling over, uncontrollable. The gangs went crazy as did the cops. No more switchblades, brass knuckles or baseball bats. Everyone had guns.” 

Billy nodded, reliving those harrowing days in his mind. Just like back then, he couldn’t eat. He was terrified. He never thought he would live to see his high school graduation much less college. 

“You had a gun, didn’t you?” asked Billy. 

Yes,” said Jerry. “My Dad gave me a .22 caliber Beretta. There were too many killings in the alley behind our house. Dad said I had to protect the family. ‘Don’t pull it unless you’re going to use it,’ he said. ‘No bluffing. Action. Pull the trigger.’” 

“That wasn’t a great time in our lives, but what’s this got to do with the beach party or your first time?” 

“Well, that voice I just mentioned, the English one.” 

“Uh huh.” 

“When the English guy got close to the fire, I could see he was black. All I could think about was ‘Here we go again. I gotta get ready for a fight.’ Just like I was at home.” 

“Did you let Jeff know what he missed by moving out of Chicago?” 

“I sure did. Soon after I landed in Rome, I filled him in. He was blown away when he realized what he could have lived through if he hadn’t moved.” 

“Weren’t the riots covered by the international papers?” asked Billy. 

“Yes. He was aware of the situation, but hearing it firsthand from me really hit home for him.” 6

“So what happened when the English guy showed up?” asked Billy. 

“Jeff saw the concern on my face. He grabbed my arm and took me for a walk down the beach. He explained that race relations in Rome, especially with the expat community, was the opposite of what we were going through. The expat kids looked beyond color or even religion.” 

“You gotta be kidding me,” said Billy. “I can’t imagine that.” 

“Those kids knew they were very lucky to have such a good life. They focused on enjoying themselves as long as they could. It was a type of social freedom you or I could never imagine. In fact, Jeff had just stopped dating a girl from Ethiopia.” 

“How did his parents feel about that?” asked Billy. 

“His parents were always on the liberal side. They were ok as long as things were peaceful, Jeff didn’t get into trouble and he did well in school.” 

“What happened when you guys got back to the bonfire?” 

“Jeff introduced me around, Brian last. Brian was from London. His Dad was England’s Ambassador to Italy.” 

“Not quite like the guys from Marshall High School or Crane’s, huh?” said Billy. 

“No, and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t carrying a gun or a blade,” laughed Jerry. “Jeff told Brian about our experiences on the west side and why I acted funny when he first arrived. Brian had read about the riots in America but had never met anyone who lived through them.” 

Jerry took a bite of his sandwich before continuing his tale. 

“After relaxing a bit and enjoying the fire and the goodies, Brian and I peeled off to talk about race relations in Europe and America.” 

Just then, the boys heard the shuffling of crepe soles on the tile floor. Louise arrived with their fries. 

“Here, you go guys. I couldn’t let you go hungry,” she said. “Karl said I could take my break now since the lunch crowd’s just about over.” 

Billy looked at Jerry and winced. He tried to keep a straight face around Louise but he saw his plan to hear the juicy details go up in smoke. 

”Gimme a sec to get my coffee and cigs and I’ll join you. I just can’t wait to hear the end of this whopper of a story.” 

Louise looked at them and roared. “You’re worried I am goin’ to sit down wichya, aren’t ya? That’ll stop the storytelling real quick, won’t it? Jesus B. Christ! You’ve been here 2 hours already.” 

“Thanks for the fries, Louise,” said Billy, trying to change the subject. 

“Look. I’ve turned my tables 4 times and you’re not even at the good part yet. Finish the damn story, Jerry, and get outta here, wouldya? And you better tip me real good. No change, you pikers. Paper money. And lots of it.” 

Louise roared again. “Now, you guys want dessert? I got those black and whites you like.” 

The boys took deep breaths and nodded their heads in unison. They thought they were safe. It didn’t look like she was going to intrude on their reunion. Not yet, anyway. 

When it was clear she had gone into the kitchen, Billy started in again. “Get to the good part already! Before she comes back!” 

“As the night went on, everyone started to pair off. I had my eye on this blonde from Denmark, Marta. She seemed to like me too.” 

“A blonde from Denmark! You gotta be kidding me. With you?” exclaimed Billy. 

Yeah, I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. Guess there’s some appeal to getting it on with a guy from the west side.” 

“Where was Jeff at this time? Was he with someone too?” 

“Yes. He told me his current girlfriend, Samantha from France, would be there. Right after Brian showed up and we had our little talk, Jeff disappeared and so did Samantha. No inhibitions. The grass was doing its stuff.” 

“Marijuana! Holy Christ. No one in our school did marijuana in those days. Only kids in San Francisco or LA. What did you do?” asked Billy. 

“I did what every good party animal would do. I had me a real good time. Everyone was more relaxed than you could imagine. We were laughing and singing and talking. It was surreal. Like Chicago didn’t exist.” 

“You could forget the shit we were going through?” asked Billy. “That’s hard to believe given the shootings we heard every day.” 

“Any fears I had about what we were living through at home were far, far away. Marta helped to make that happen.” Jerry’s voice trailed off as he began to relive that amazing night. 

“So what happened already?” urged Billy. “This story of yours is taking too long to tell.” 

“Ok, the good part. Marta and I left the group and laid down on the blanket she brought. As we started to enjoy one another, I asked her if she was on the pill. She said she wasn’t because it would cause her high blood pressure to skyrocket.” 

“That really sucks,” said Billy. “Your first time was quickly vanishing.” 

“Not quite. Marta asked me if I had a rubber with me. Of course, I didn’t. I looked for Jeff but he was long gone and so was my glorious night, I thought. All of a sudden, Marta said, ‘I figured you might be unprepared so I brought a few of my own.’ She reached into her purse and pulled one out. ‘Do you know how to put it on or do you need my help?’ she asked.” 

“She asked you if she could help!” Billy exclaimed in a loud voice. “You’ve got to be kidding!” 

“Who needs help?” asked the gray-haired grandmother in the next booth. “Albert, someone needs help,” she said to her husband. “You used to be a doctor, help that boy.” 

“Bertha, he doesn’t need help, he’s hearing a story. Go back to your cabbage soup.” 

“Let’s see,” said Billy. “You flew to Rome, went to a beach party, smoked grass, drank wine and made it with a Danish girl who brought her own rubber for you to use. That’s the end of your story?” 

“Let’s just say, doing it for the first time on the soft sand with music playing, the sound of the waves in the background and the helping hand of wine and smokes, made for an evening I’ll never forget,” said Jerry. 

“You were a virgin back then, weren’t you?” a hoarse voice asked. Jerry swiveled around to see Louise sitting 2 tables away, their black and whites on the table in front of her. “Did you tell Marta?” 

“What are you talking about, Louise?” Jerry stammered. “I don’t know what you mean.” 

“You guys forgot. My husband, Herbert, is deaf. He reads lips and taught me how to. It really helps in this job when the deli gets noisy or when I want to hear the end of one of my young customer’s fairy tales.” 

“C’mon, Louise. You can read lips?” Billy asked. 

‘Yep,” she said. “At the end of the day, I fill Karl in on all the dirt I pick up. Why do you think he keeps me around? It ain’t my beauty, that’s for sure.” Louise laughed and then gave the boys their dessert. 

“Louise, what’s it gonna cost me? I need to make sure you don’t repeat what you heard, to anyone,” asked Jerry. 

“Holy shit!” exclaimed Billy. “She’s been taking care of us for years. No telling what she knows or told someone already.” 

Billy held his head in his hands and murmured, “Our parents and teachers come in here all the time. We’re finished!” 

Louise looked at the boys and just smiled. “Here’s the deal. You triple your usual puny tip and buy me a coffee. Then, I’ll sit over there while you finish that yarn you dreamt up.” 

“It’s a deal,” said Jerry. “But you can’t listen and you can’t tell.” 

“Fine. I’ll wait for the book to come out. Or the movie,” roared Louise. 

Louise left to get herself some coffee and took a seat three tables over. The deli had emptied out from the lunch rush, no early bird diners had arrived yet. 

Billy looked at Jerry and then over at Louise. He didn’t say a word as his mind went over what Louise told them. He wasn’t sure she was telling the truth about the lip reading or had just overheard a portion of their conversation. It didn’t matter. He didn’t want to take any chances with her and was anxious to hear the end of Jerry’s story. Now! 

Billy reached into his pocket and pulled out a 20. He placed it under the dessert dish as Jerry did the same. Louise saw what they were doing and smiled once again. 

“Thanks, boys. See ya Saturday. Same time, same place. You’ll have your usual, right?” The boys put on their coats, looked around and smiled at Louise as they got ready to leave. “Silence has its price,” said Billy. “This was an investment well made.” 

“And, guys,” said Louise. “Just remember, ole’ Louise nevers writes down any order she takes. I got me a photogenuine memory. I never forget anything. So don’t be surprised, if I ask you about that Rita or Sarah you mentioned a while ago.” 

The boys’ faces went pale as Louise started laughing so hard she gave herself the hiccups. “I have to admit that story was getting good, Jerry. Real or not.” 

The boys put on their jackets and hightailed it to the door. 

Louise pocketed the money and started to clear the table. Gonna fuck with them real good on Saturday. Their parents come in about the same time they do. Saturday’s gonna be a very fun day. 

Louise laughed so hard she almost dropped the dishes. 

“What’s so funny, Louise?” asked Karl from behind the register. “Looks like our after-work story time tonight will be a good one.” 

“This one’s gonna cost you, Karl. It’s pretty juicy. Gonna wake up parts of that old body of yours which have been asleep for a long time. I’ll make us a fresh pot of coffee. You pull up a chair.”