by Joe Janes

Over one million people have died in the United States from COVID-19. Over 100,000 cases are reported every day. 300 people are dying each day. 1 in 4 people have not been vaccinated. 1 in 3 people say the pandemic is over.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, Chief Medical Advisor to the President of the United States, is waking up from nightmares that are believed to be glimpses into other worlds in the multiverse.

There’s a world where the January 6th insurrection was successful and Trump was reinstated as President-for-Life.

In this other world…

-       Dr. Oz is made Surgeon General and put in charge of the COVID task force. Cases quickly go down to zero because testing is outlawed. No tests. No cases.

-       Trump remodels the oval office after Jabba the Hutt’s lair. Forces daughter to wear a metal bikini and be chained to his desk.

-       Trump sends billions in military aid to Vladimir Putin to fight against Ukraine aggression.

-       Trump creates the new position of Czar of Women’s Health and appoints Rep. Matt Gaetz to the position.

-       Under Trump, taxes are raised for anyone making under $100,000 annually and the minimum wage has been nationally set at “you should be happy to have a job”.

-       Dr. Fauci is confined to a Trump Reeducation Camp alongside Hilary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi, where they are forced to make MAGA swag under sweatshop conditions.

-       Trump puts his name on the Washington Monument. He is unable to add his face to Mount Rushmore due to the landmark’s geographical makeup. He settles for adding a combover and forced smile to George Washington.

-       DisneyWorld is forced to close. Reopens as TrumpLand. The Magic Castle is turned into a casino. In the Hall of Presidents, all the democrats have been depantsed. All the Haunted Mansion ghosts look like John McCain. The Animal Kingdom now allows hunting and grilling.

-       Trump starts many business ventures that actually turn out to be successful. There’s Trump Bleach, Trump Horse Dewormer, Trump Hydroxychloroquine, Trump Urine, and Trump Guns. Mass shootings and hurricane assaults are up!

It’s not all bad news in the multiverse. There’s a world where Hilary Clinton wins her second term.

In this world…

-       COVID is quickly handled through federal mask mandates and vaccines. The president, her cabinet, and the COVID Task Force celebrate by doing body shots off of one another on the White House lawn.

-       President Clinton announces during the opening of RuPaul International Airport that billions of dollars will be spent to send a fleet of free combo bookmobile/abortion clinic/taco truck to every state in the union.

-       At the RuPaul International Airport, the TSA is run by drag queens and people in line are offered bottomless mimosas.