I Like to Watch | Best Movies to Watch for a Recently Divorced Man
When a man goes through a divorce—especially one predicated by infidelity —he is need of a few reminders and narratives.
The first is the recognition of either the betrayal or complacency associated with a marriage splintering into the present feelings of equal measures of sorrow and rage.
The second is a narrative that demonstrates the newfound solitude and potential loneliness that accompanies the loss of someone he was so used to seeing every morning.
The third and final story is that of resilience in the face of both the first and the second. Tales of men knocked to the ground who find it in themselves to persevere nonetheless.
Having endured this state of being three times, I'd guess I'm pretty much an expert at the grind of divorce. It ain't fun on any level but it is manageable. My first divorce was immediately followed by a lot of drinking. Emptying bottles of Scotch like the desert floor soaking up water. Once I had self-destructively indulged in over indulgence, I watched some movies to simply pass the time.
The second divorce, I avoided the booze and spent time playing video-games. Then I watched some movies. Closer but not quite the instructive focus necessary to cauterize the bleeding wounds.
This time around, I looked to the movies for instruction. Stories have extraordinary power and living through the eyes of specific characters in specific stories can and will become a healing balm.
Here's the playlist.
Gone Girl (2014)
He betrays her. She betrays him. She senses he's going to leave her so she frames him for her own staged murder. Easily one of the best of Fincher and Affleck. You think your marriage is fucked up? Not even close, gang.
Fatal Attraction (1987)
This is an article for men who are experiencing divorce, so the presence of the insane woman who boils the family pet is appropriate.
Up (2009)
The whole movie is brilliant and heartwarming. but the first five minutes is what you need to watch. Yes, divorce can feel like your spouse died and reliving the beautiful moments you had together is worth your time. Was the time married a waste because it ended badly? I don't think so. You wouldn't have stayed in it if it had been. This is also a great way to soften the rage and find some sort of forgiveness which isn't about her but about you navigating the planet without such a fucking chip on your shoulder.
Castaway (2000)
Of course. Tom Hanks is stranded on a tiny island for four years. He deals with loneliness by trying to hang himself unsuccessfully then befriending a volleyball. Hopefully, your newfound solitude doesn't last so long that you make a girlfriend out of a pound of ground beef or a chess piece.
The Lonely Guy (1984)
When shy Larry Hubbard (Steve Martin) finds his girlfriend in bed with another man he is forced to begin a new life as single. But since he can't bear being on his own he tries to court Iris who is not however interested in him. Larry begins writing a book on his experience as a single which unexpectedly becomes a best seller.
You forgot about this movie but I didn't. Dining alone has never been funnier.
Moon (2009)
Samuel Bell (Sam Rockwell) nears the end of his three-year work contract at Sarangi Station on the moon. Chronic communication problems have disabled his live feed from Earth and limit him to occasional recorded messages from his wife Tess, who was pregnant with their daughter Eve when he left. His only companion is an artificial intelligence named GERTY, who assists with the base's automation and provides comfort for him.
Sitting in your apartment, looking at pictures of the two of you together, and using Siri as a companion? Yup.
Factotum (2006)
Bukowski is one of those writers who can seem perversely, solipsistically romantic. He can even sound like a beery motivational speaker—"If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods. And the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is."
Barfly ends more hopefully so this is the one to watch.
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
"I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living, or get busy dying."
"Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
"I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope."
The Entire Rocky Saga (Six Films)
I already wrote about this. Trust me. Watch 'em all.
The Iron Giant (1999)
If you can't find a sense of personal dignity, of participating in a world much larger than yourself, of choosing to be better rather than follow your pre-programmed responses in this film, you may be beyond my help.
Divorce hurts. Finding fault does no one any good, getting revenge is petty and pointless. The only thing to do is go through it and hopefully get to the other side without becoming a bitter shithead. The world has plenty of shitheads so choose to not join their ranks.
Me? Movies help me. Hopefully, this list helps you.
