The Absence of Joy and Resilience
"She’s begging for total global humiliation," Depp wrote in a 2016 text message. "She’s gonna get it."
For weeks people were glued to the live streaming of the trial. Tik Tok creators monetized hundreds of thousands of hot takes with clips and opinions. It was the modern equivalent to the O.J. Simpson trial but with far lower stakes and a much higher viewership. We were privy to a ridiculously dysfunctional, mutually abusive train wreck between two Hollywood millionaires.
In the end, Depp won both the civil case and the overwhelming hearts and minds of those trolling the social media sites like vultures looking for a bit of dead flesh to nibble on and laugh.
For those who spent a lot of time watching and dissecting the testimony, I'm certain that my opinion about who was the abuser and who was the abused in that tangled relationship is shallow at best. One thing I am certain of is that Amber Heard was a definitely a victim of social media. There is something nasty about us as we mob up and bully people we'll never encounter in real life. Something mean-spirited and joyless.
In my self-isolation in preparation for splitting Vegas and going to Kansas to help with my father, I find myself looking for distraction. I love me some reality TV so I landed on multiple seasons of Mtv's The Challenge. Basically a house full of idiots (but charming idiots like the Jackass crew) drinking, hooking up, gossiping, backstabbing, and then competing against each other in bizarre extreme sports-type challenges. Some of challenges are goofy but most involve untying knots hanging 1,000 feet above a ravine to get puzzle pieces or climbing up a 14,000 foot mountain carrying 100 pound bags. It's dumb but fun.
The earlier seasons had their fair share of interpersonal feuds and rivalries but it still felt fun. The participants may have played the game ruthlessly for money but there was a healthy respect for one another. They all seemed to know they were playing a game on TV. When someone crossed the line, everyone else was quick to point it out, and sincere apologies seemed to ensue. Then right back at it.
A few seasons later, I noticed two trends: many of the rivalries carried over into the world of social media which resulted in increased pettiness and the rivalries on the show went from a sense of play to relentless hatred of one another. Small groups ganging up on their opponents in ways that were simply cruel and personal. Everyone was so angry all the time. The joy of the show was sapped away.
Yet another few seasons following it seemed that the producers felt this poison pill in the midst of their silly show and went back to casting less angry people. The joy was slowly seeped back in but the constant refrain of social media made the contest still somehow less.
I see the same trend in society in general. Prior to social media, while we all had issues, it was still fun. Good natured and respectful even when things went off the rails (at least for most people). There have been flare-ups in the seeking of justice and equal rights throughout our sordid history but most Americans weren't hateful. We'd yell at each other but threats of death or rape were limited to the fringes. Today, you can't even get on a plane without fellow passengers completely losing their shit on complete strangers as if throwing a tantrum and being filmed for public consumption and affirmation via 'likes' and 'shares' is anything but a severe case of arrested development.
Regardless of which horse you were backing in the Depp/Heard debacle, no one—NO ONE—deserves the kind of malevolence, threats, and cruelty the woman had heaped upon her. When your joy comes from joining the beatdown of another human being, it's a dirty kind of glee. If the pain of others gets you off, you're a bully and a stain on the rest of us. If you live by that particular sword, you'll die by the same sword. You suffer from an absence of joy and resilience.
You are not alone.
Progress that is both rapid enough to be noticed and stable enough to continue over many generations has been achieved only once in human history: right now. Around 1800, humanity made a stark turn from misery and stagnation to prosperity and progress. This is a truly unique moment in time, and yet one that most of us aren’t even aware of.
Poverty and child mortality rates over the last two centuries have dropped while literacy and vaccination rates have climbed. Many more people live under democratic forms of government. The world today finds itself atop this upward march of progress, but we think we’re going the other way. When surveyed, only 6% of Americans think the world is getting better, while in Australia and France the figure stands at an even more ominous 3%.
The celebration of personal notoriety combined with both a refusal to see the good in the world and a pathological desire to see others suffer at the hands of the anonymous crowd has made us a miserable, unhealthy bunch of assholes.
Why? Why do we find ourselves in this viper pit of mean girls, frat boys, hateful cynics in extreme competition for attention via vitriol?
About two-thirds of Americans (64%) say social media have a mostly negative effect on the way things are going in the country today, according to a Pew Research Center survey of U.S. adults conducted July 13-19, 2020. Just one-in-ten Americans say social media sites have a mostly positive effect on the way things are going, and one-quarter say these platforms have a neither positive nor negative effect.
In Jonathan Haidt's essay Why the Past 10 Years of American Life Have Been Uniquely Stupid he surmises "The story of Babel is the best metaphor I have found for what happened to America in the 2010s, and for the fractured country we now inhabit. Something went terribly wrong, very suddenly. We are disoriented, unable to speak the same language or recognize the same truth. We are cut off from one another and from the past."
I think his metaphor is right on point. We no longer can agree on the definitions of what were common references, agreed upon terms. Racism, privilege, sexual harassment, gender, the enduring legacy of our country, our Founding Fathers, equality, accountability, offense, harm, violence, and apology are all up for grabs. The image of millions of people all speaking past each other in languages none understand is what social media has become.
Certainly the economics of social media are impressive and the possibilities of making tons of cash via influencing and posturing but the price of participating is a requirement to likewise join the angry mob. I read that one Tik Tokker made $65,000 a month during the Depp/Heard trial doing nothing more than posting hot takes on what a horrible human Heard was. $65,000 a month. I'm sure the cash eases the shame of being a bullying fuckface but cash is easily spent which means he'll have to find someone else to defame to keep up the mortgage payments.
Social media has become the Monkey's Paw. You get so much out of it but the cost is a shitshow.
"On a wet and windy night, John White, along with his wife and son, Herbert, await the arrival of an old friend, Sergeant Morris, who has been stationed in India for several years and has just recently returned home.
When the guest arrives, the conversation soon turns to the mysteries of India. Mr. White is fascinated by the discussion of far away places and ideas. During the conversation, we learn that Morris has brought back a very unusual artifact—the mummified paw of a monkey which carries with it a magic spell which can bring three different men three separate wishes.
Morris makes it very clear that though the wishes are always granted, the results always bring disaster. He explains that he had gotten the paw from it's first owner—whose third and last wish was for death. Morris also explains that he himself had three wishes—thus leaving one more set of three wishes.
The Sergeant, feeling that the paw has done enough damage, throws it into the fireplace to burn. Mr. White grabs it from the fire, and Morris warns White that he should let it burn. Mr. White, though, keeps the paw and even forces Morris to accept a few dollars for it.
After dinner Sergeant Morris leaves. Herbert scoffs and makes fun of the idea that the paw can make wishes come true, but recommends that his father wish for twenty-five thousand dollars. Herbert, who works the late shift at a nearby dam, leaves for work, and Mr. and Mrs. White go to bed.
The next morning, while the Whites are fixing breakfast, a man from the dam comes to tell them that Herbert has been killed in an accident at work and that they are named as beneficiary on the insurance policy—a policy for twenty-five thousand dollars.
The Whites bury their son in a nearby cemetery. A few days later, the distraught Mrs. White remembers the monkey's paw and its two remaining wishes and insists that her husband wish Herbert back to life. Later there is a pounding at the front door, but the latch is stuck. Mrs. White, believing it is Herbert, hurries down to open the door. The door latch is stuck; an instant before Mrs. White can get the door to open, Mr. White grabs the paw and makes a final wish. He wishes his son dead and at peace. The knocking ceases."
– The Monkey's Paw by W. W. Jacobs (1902)
