By David Himmel

• Spending Christmas money is something I will never grow out of.

• Mixed Nuts should be as much a Christmas movie classic as It’s a Wonderful Life.

• Early 2000s alternative music sounds like dudes wearing thick black wedding rings.

• Learning to undo those buckles on your Osh Kosh B’Gosh overalls before pissing yourself is your first opportunity to figure out one of life’s many obstacles.

• “Someday” is Mariah Carey’s best song.

• The only thing better than spending Christmas money is watching your kids play with their new Christmas toys among the shreds of wrapping paper, torn cardboard boxes, and squeals of perfect, youthful laughter.